Eternal
by Herald-MageAnduli
Summary: VanyelxStefen implied slash. COMPLETE 10/6/09! Sometimes the greatest loss occurs when you're least expecting it. Major TISSUE ALERT! AU Magic's Price. Withern haters UNITE!
1. Part I

Title: Eternal

Author: Herald-MageAnduli

Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance

Main Characters: Vanyel, Stefen :)

Secondary Characters: Medren, Jisa, Savil, Starwind, Moondance, Brightstar, Arven & Lord Withern Ashkevron

Summary: AU Sometimes the greatest loss occurs when you're least expecting it. This is not a happy story so… TISSUE ALERT! If you like happy endings this one is probably not for you.

__________________________________________________

The old part of the Palace was quiet. Anybody sane had gone to bed long before now, it wasn't too long before today would become tomorrow. The figure walking down the hall would have said that he'd never been sane, so why start now? He carried a leather case in his hand and the presence of a music case and his scarlet tunic proclaimed him to be a Master Bard.

Wearily he opened a door and entered the small, spacious quarters beyond. He let go of the gittern case when his hand was over a chair and the instrument slid out of his hands to touch the padded chair. It continued to slide and hit the ground with a discordant twang despite the Bard's annoyed curse. He snatched up the case and set it firmly on the chair as if scolding the instrument.

He placed one thin hand on the back of the chair and removed his boots, padding barefoot into the kitchen. He snagged a couple plates and two mugs, pouring a dark-colored liquid into both. Onto each plate went a chunk of dark, moist bread and a small round of white cheese.

He walked out of the kitchen and placed the food on a low table with two chairs near a fireplace. He added a couple logs to the fire and briskly stroked it to roaring life with a metal poker. He put the poker back and disappeared into the single bedroom to change into something more comfortable.

Just as he was leaving the bedroom he wondered where his lover was. The moment he finished the thought the door opened again, admitting a tall, slender Herald-Mage. Black hair was in a war with silver and silver was winning. His pale skin glowed in the firelight as he balanced on one foot and repeated the procedure of removing his boots, colored off-white.

Stefen chuckled softly, amused. It never failed, all he had to do was wonder where Vanyel was and his lifebonded would appear from somewhere. It was as if the Herald was reading his mind. He knew Van wouldn't actually do that, not only would it be unethical but his lover respected his privacy. Vanyel looked up and between the combination of a familiar laugh and the gittern sitting on a chair knew who was there before silver eyes met hazel.

"When did you get back?"

"Just before you did," Stef muttered, dropping into one of the wooden chairs with a soft groan.

"Long day?" his lover asked, smiling.

"Very. Randale's getting worse, not even the Healers can pain-block it alone. It didn't help that I got annoyed with Shavri. Had Jisa not intervened, we might have said some things that couldn't have been forgiven. Your daughter's a blessing, a level-headed blessing."

"I wonder how she holds up, considering how Randi's doing and what Shavri did. Even Andrel can't figure how she's staying so calm."

"Savil thinks that Taver and Eren are boosting her stamina and helping her cope," Stefen answered, taking a bite of cheese.

Vanyel considered him for a moment before he said, "The Court session ended four hours ago. Did you stay afterwards?"

"No. I've been playing for Savil, helping her with pain and the loss of Kilchas and Lissandra."

Vanyel's face tightened, silver eyes hardening with rage. Stefen had seen that expression on his face far too often lately. First Kilchas and then Lissandra had died under seemingly normal circumstances. Then Van had reinforced his aunt's wards for her and she'd barely survived an attack by a magical creature, something Vanyel called a construct.

The only reason why Vanyel had not set off North to blast the dark mage who was responsible to the Nine Hells was Savil. Vanyel's formidable Aunt had talked him into waiting until she was well enough to travel. Now the Herald-Mage spent his days interacting with the Court and trying to organize a defense for Valdemar's northern Border.

The Herald smiled at him after a second, forcing himself to relax. He passed Stef and changed as well before sinking into the chair across from Stefen and taking a large gulp of mulled wine. After eating Stefen felt halfway normal as he stood, picking up the plates and putting them in the kitchen. He refilled the mugs as Vanyel moved to the small couch in front of the fire. The Herald was drowsing in the heat as he sat down next to him, leaning his head on a firm shoulder.

Van ran one finger along his cheek and his hand froze in the middle of the action. The touch felt icy as Vanyel said, "Gods, Stef. You're burning up. I should get Andy," and started to stand.

Stef put a hand on his lover's shoulder and pulled him back with gentle firmness as he said, "No, _ashke._ Andrel has enough on his mind tonight. He uses all his energy helping Savil. Let him rest. I'm fine, considering the fact that we're sitting in front of a fire that's blasting heat from here to Rethwellan."

Vanyel still didn't look convinced and Stef sighed before saying, "Look love, if it will help you relax I'll let him look at me tomorrow."

His lifebonded locked silver eyes on him and looked searchingly into his face. He nodded once and leaned back, growling into Stef's ear, "Do it _ke'chara._ Don't just say it."

"Bards can't lie," Stef mumbled, attempting not to flinch as Vanyel's cold fingers encircled his waist.

"They _are_ clever with words," Vanyel retorted, kissing his temple.

"So are Herald-Mages," Stef retorted, prompting a laugh from Vanyel.

*

"You are so stubborn, _ke'chara,_" Vanyel said with a sigh, looking at the beautiful face leaning on his shoulder. _Gods, I got lucky when I lifebonded to the most determined young man in all of Haven._

_:Yes you did. You need him more than you wanted to admit.:_ Yfandes said in the back of his head. He chuckled out loud and Stef muttered,

"What's so funny?"

"'Fandes decided to put her opinion in on what I was thinking about," he answered, still smiling.

"Might I enquire what that thought was?" Stef said, looking at him.

"How lucky I am to have you," Van answered, voice just above a whisper.

Stef lifted his head, leaned forward and kissed Vanyel on the lips, a tender smile on his face as he pulled back. "I think you got that backwards, Van-_ashke_. I'm the lucky one here. You're Herald-Mage Vanyel Ashkevron, you could have anyone. I'm a Bard and a child off the streets of Haven."

"All the same, I consider myself very lucky you were so determined. I was being so stupid, locking myself back into the ice-dream of my childhood."

"I told you that you wouldn't have to be alone anymore, _ashke,_" Stef mumbled.

Vanyel froze.

"_If you go, I'll have no choice but the ice."_

Beautiful warm brown eyes smiling at him, _"I won't leave you alone, _ashke. _You'll never have to touch the ice again."_

"What is it, _ashke?_"

"Nothing," Vanyel said, forcing himself to breathe. "You just about mirrored something 'Lendel told me years ago. It was just a surprise to hear it coming from you."

"S'rry," Stef sighed, barely coherent. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Don't apologize, Stef," Vanyel mumbled, almost asleep himself, "you wouldn't have known that."

* * *

The next morning Stef struggled to wake, rubbing his pounding head. The headache he felt was comparable to the one he'd gotten after drinking Withern's Ashkevron pear wine a couple nights ago. He had been surprised to receive an invitation at all, Withern's prejudices against _shay'a'chern_ were well-known. The man barely tolerated it in his own son.

He pushed himself upright in bed, noting the absence of Vanyel's presence a few seconds later. The Herald-Mage woke absurdly early, busy from before dawn until after dusk. For a moment Stefen was annoyed, couldn't the Heralds do without Vanyel until a decent hour? Then he felt ashamed, knowing how much the throne and Haven needed his lover and his abilities.

As he put his feet on the floor he gasped, all thoughts of Vanyel pushed from his mind. It was _freezing_! His whole body was composed of shivers. The shivers were compounded by aches as he stood up, looking for his clothes. He dressed warmly, doubling his layers of clothing. After wolfing a quick breakfast he picked up the gittern and pushed out of their rooms, headed for the Audience Hall.

"Bard Stefen," Shavri's greeting was somewhat stiff. Stefen sighed to himself, regretting his sharp words from last night. Being tired wasn't an excuse for snapping at the King's Own Herald.

He removed the gittern and began carefully tuning the twelve metal strings. As he did so he wondered where Medren was and what the Journeyman Bard was doing right now. He smiled as he thought of Vanyel's nephew, thanking his lucky stars he'd been tossed in with him when he'd arrived at Bardic.

He sank into a musical trance, playing for what seemed like days but was really only a couple hours. He came to a halt when Jisa approached him and smiled as she said, "It was a short day today. Father didn't have much to deal with outside of a conference."

They both knew she meant Randale when she spoke about her father in public. Jisa's reaction when he'd told her that he knew who her _real_ father was had been entertaining. Vanyel's sable-haired daughter was as stubborn and hot-headed as her blood-father sometimes, but for the most part she was diplomatic and polite to a fault.

It was early afternoon now and Stefen groaned as he remembered his promise to Vanyel from the previous evening. He said to Jisa, "Where would I find Andrel at this time of day?"

"In his office in the Healers' Collegium. He teaches one afternoon class in a couple hours."

"Thanks."

Stef stood up and put away the gittern, a slow process at the best of times. It took a great deal of patience to tune the instrument but he didn't want to break the strings or damage the pegs by leaving it tuned during transport.

He walked down to the Healer's Collegium, through the gardens into Healer Andrel's office. The older man sat at a desk, looking over a couple papers. He looked up when he heard Stefen and smiled at the young Bard.

"Hello Stefen. I wanted to thank you for what you did by playing for Savil last night. I know it helped her a great deal."

"Anything for Vanyel's aunt I will gladly do. She's a wonderful woman."

"Yes she is," Andrel agreed, standing up. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, as you know I live with a Herald-Mage who tends to worry and he seems to think that you should take a look at me. Personally, I don't see why. It's just a fever and some aches from this weather."

"Vanyel does have a lot on his mind," Andrel said. "Why don't you sit and let me check you out anyways, since you're here?"

Stef sat down and closed his eyes as the Healer touched his forehead. He heard him hiss and breathed in deeply, concentrating on staying as still as possible. When the Healer exited his trance Stefen was shocked to see Andrel's hand shake.

"What have you drank since returning from Ashkevron Manor?"

Stefen frowned at the odd question and said, "A glass of wine a couple days ago, water, a few glasses of mulled wine last night. Why?"

"The wine last night, do you know where it came from?"

"Yes. Vanyel and I keep some up in our quarters. It came from the kitchens of the Palace."

"The other wine you drank, was it familiar to you?"

"No, I hadn't tried that variety before," Stefen looked up into Andrel's worried eyes and said softly, "Why are you asking me this?"

"You've been poisoned, Stefen."

"What?" Stef rasped.

"The fever and aches are the first stages of the poison. Stefen, I hate to tell you this, but the poison you've been given is a concoction made with Death Angel mushrooms. It's the only poison in all of Valdemar that doesn't have a cure."

"How long do I have?"

"Four, five days at the most," Andrel whispered.

"What can I expect?"

"The fever will be replaced by chills. Soon it will start pulling your strength. You'll get to a point where you couldn't stand even if you wanted. Rapid weight loss, eventual blindness. Your body will shut down after a certain amount of time, the poison overwhelms it."

"Thank you, Andrel. Don't tell anybody about this, please."

"Do you know who poisoned you?"

"Yes," Stefen breathed.

He stood up, ignoring Andrel's concerned expression. Slowly he walked out of the office, heading for their rooms. He set down the gittern, slumping into a chair. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, grief and despair fighting within him. Grief won and he cried, curling up in the chair as his body was wracked with tears.

He stood up and changed out of his Scarlets into a green tunic and beige pants. As he came out of the bedroom he noted the fruit bowl on the table. It was filled with yellow and green pears, picked at the height of perfection.

"How ironic," he whispered morbidly. He wondered if Withern had arranged for the fruit to be delivered here.

Slowly he walked down to Companion's field, swinging over the fence and walking down to the river. He sat down in the lush grass by the bank, laying back and staring at the perfect, cloudless sky. He was lost in his thoughts when a voice said softly in his head, _:What is troubling you, Bard?:_

It was warm and feminine, coming from everywhere and nowhere. He turned his head and saw Yfandes standing a few paces away from him. Vanyel's Companion stepped over to him, dropping her nose next to his cheek.

_:You can tell me what's wrong, Stefen. If it helps you can talk out loud, otherwise just think it.:_

_You don't mind?_ Stefen thought at her.

_:Why should I?: _her mind-voice was puzzled. _:You're my Chosen's lifebonded, you're entitled to speak with me. Besides that Stefen, I like you a great deal. My Chosen loves you very much and it makes me glad to see him happy.:_

Stefen's throat choked with tears when she said that. He was hit with the unfairness of it all and he thought _Life is so unfair, Yfandes. Vanyel's been left alone once, I don't want to do that to him again!_

_:Why would you be leaving my Chosen, Stefen?:_

_I've been poisoned, Yfandes. It's Black Angel mushrooms. There's no cure._

_:Who would poison you? I can't think of who would— No! HE did this to you?: _She was incensed.

"Yes," Stef whispered out loud, trembling with a mixture of fear, grief and anger. _I don't want to die, Yfandes. I'm afraid; for Vanyel, for myself._

_:Nobody wants to take that last Walk before their time, Stefen. I know you're not meant to die so young. This makes me angry, Bard. I can't believe that Vanyel's own father would do this to him, or to you.:_ Yfandes snorted, pawing the ground.

_Don't tell Van,_ Stef pleaded with her. _Please, don't. If he finds out who did this to me he has to find out on his own. I'm afraid of what he'll do._

_:You are wise, Bard Stefen. I won't say a word to Vanyel about Withern. However, if you don't tell him you're going to die, I _will_. How long do you have?:_

_Four or five days. Yfandes, I'm afraid for him. I don't know how he's going to react when I—when I'm gone._

_:I won't lie to you, Stefen. You're his lifebonded and he loves you more than anything in this world. He's going to feel very alone.:_

Stefen moaned softly and sat up, chest heaving with suppressed emotion. Yfandes pressed her head into his shoulder and he stood, leaning on her as he let the full impact of his grief and pain wash over him. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, leaning into her warmth as he wept. All he knew was that when he finished his throat felt as dry as a stick and his head hurt.

_:You'd better head inside. Andrel is waiting at your quarters with Vanyel. He's going to give you something for the pain. He's also going to tell Vanyel what's wrong with you.:_

"Thank you for listening to me, Yfandes."

_:You're welcome, Stefen. It helps to have someone to talk to sometimes.:_

He started walking out of the Field, headed for their rooms.

* * *

Vanyel was startled to see Andrel standing near the doorway to his and Stefen's rooms. What surprised him the most was the weariness and pain in the Healer's expression. _Gods, Stefen's right. He's using up everything he has helping Savil._

"May I come inside, Vanyel?"

"Of course, Andy. You know you're always welcome here. I owe you my life several times over."

For some reason the expression of pain deepened when he said that and he frowned, tempted to reach out and see what was causing the Healer so much hurt. He restrained from doing so and instead opened the door, ushering the older man inside. He retrieved two glasses of wine and handed one to Andrel, who gladly took it and drank a large portion.

The Healer took out a small bottle just a little larger than their mugs and put it on the table. It was filled with an amber-colored liquid thick enough that it barely sloshed as he set it down. He set a small glass next to it and said, "That's for Stefen. One glass every twelve hours. It's a very potent mix."

"I knew something was wrong with him. That stubborn Bard, he was convinced that it was just the heat from the fire making him feverish," Vanyel snorted.

"I wish that was it," Andrel whispered.

Vanyel noted his expression and the pain in his voice and set his glass down, attempting and failing to conceal shaking hands. He considered the bottle of liquid and said, "What is that concoction?"

"A very strong painkiller mixed with a nutrient powder and a half-dram of argonel."

"Argonel?" Vanyel yelped. "That stuff kills, Andy! Why are you giving him that?"

"In small doses it controls pain and blocks dreams, Vanyel."

"Andrel," Vanyel said slowly.

"What is it, Vanyel?"

"What would be wrong with Stef that you'd need to give him argonel?" Vanyel asked, throat tightening.

"He hasn't told you?"

"I haven't seen him since last night when I told him to go to you."

"I'm going to put this bluntly, Vanyel. Stefen's been poisoned by a mixture that included Black Angel mushrooms. It's the only poison in all of Valdemar that we can't Heal. He's going to die in four or five days."

Vanyel went stiff. He could feel all the color fading from his already pale face but he ignored it. He closed his silver eyes and reached out to his Companion. _:'Fandes, did you know about this?:_

_:Stefen came out earlier this afternoon. He was afraid to tell you.:_

_:Why?:_

_:He feels guilty. He doesn't want to be the one to leave you alone again. He loves you very much, Chosen.:_

"Wh—" Vanyel's throat choked on him and he cleared it before trying again. "What's going to happen to him?"

"He's going to waste away. The fever will be replaced by chills and his body will steadily lose weight no matter how much he eats. He'll lose strength as well until he can't stand on his own and can barely move. Eventually he'll go blind as his body starts to shut down."

Vanyel turned his face away from Andrel as he said, "Thank you for telling me, Andrel."

Andrel cleared his throat and said, "I'm going to do my best to make sure he isn't in any pain Vanyel."

Vanyel didn't answer. He listened as Andrel backed up his chair and stood, felt the Healer touch his shoulder as he passed by. When Vanyel heard the door open and shut, he released the soft moan of distress he'd been concealing. A single, shimmering tear made its way down his cheek as Yfandes said _:I'm so sorry, Chosen.:_

_:Who would poison Stef?: _When she remained silent, _:You know, don't you?:_

_:Yes.:_

_:Who was it?:_

_:Stefen asked me not to tell you. He says that if you find out it has to be on your own.:_

The door opened again behind him. He did nothing as the door shut and someone hesitated and walked in his direction. He lifted his head when an overly warm hand was placed on one of his shoulders and a voice whispered, "Vanyel?"

He looked right into his lover's eyes and saw everything the Bard was feeling. Stef's hazel eyes were filled with an unsteady confusion of shock, grief, pain and fear. He stood in one smooth motion and wrapped his arms around the slender, frail body. He could tell Stefen was about to say something and he bent his head until his lips nearly touched the Bard's ear and said, "I know, _ke'chara._ Andrel told me."

"Thank the gods for that," Stef whispered, trembling in Vanyel's embrace. "I wasn't sure I was going to be able to tell you that I—"

"That you're dying?" Vanyel completed, voice shaking with tears. "I almost wish that—"

"Don't," Stef murmured hoarsely. "Don't even think that, _ashke. _I _might _not have been poisoned had I never met or loved you, but it wouldn't have been worth it. I would rather have this lifetime with you than live to be the oldest person in Valdemar alone."

He sealed that promise with a kiss, one that contained a trembling urgency.

* * *

Two days later a young man in the rusty tunic of a Journeyman Bard stood against one wall of the Audience Hall, looking at the sea of faces. He had already made his greeting to Randale and Shavri and was now looking for a familiar face he hadn't seen in a while. As he scanned the sea of faces he pushed brown hair out of brown eyes. He was a slender version of his father, one with a great deal more common sense according to his uncle.

Medren spotted Stefen finally, sitting just down the hall tuning his twelve-string gittern. The young man looked a little pale as he concentrated on the instrument. Medren grinned and moved toward him, chuckling as he considered the young Bard.

A great deal of Medren's other friends couldn't understand why he liked the younger boy. Not only was he two years younger and a full Bard, he was also _shay'a'chern,_ which was considered something to politely ignore amongst the Court. The one time one of his other acquaintances had protested Stefen's quick advancement in front of Medren he had decked him. They did not mention the nastier rumor in front of him, the one that suggested Stefen had slept his way to the full rank.

Even if they had Medren would have laughed it off and told them they were being stupid. Medren knew his friend had a sense of honor about his _extracurricular _activities and would be horrified at the very idea. It did not help Stefen's case with the others that he was as slight and delicate as a young girl with a shapely face and deep hazel eyes.

Medren wasn't uncomfortable in the slightest with his friend being _shay'a'chern_, not with his proud uncle being one as well. Medren admired his uncle Vanyel, more than the Herald-Mage knew. The older man's dignified grace and kind nature coupled with a strict code of ethics and more power than five Heralds combined was a perfect role-model to the young throughout Valdemar. The fact that his uncle was lifebonded to his friend made it hard to stay nervous around either one as well, even though his uncle was almost twice Stef's age.

He sat next to his friend and said, "Hey, you."

Stefen spun toward him, just about falling off the chair. The hazel eyes had gone wide with surprise as he said, "Medren! Havens, it's good to see you but _don't_ do that again!"

Medren steadied his friend with a laugh and said, "I promise. You're a little jumpy, aren't you?"

"When you're sitting somewhere concentrating on something I'll come up behind you and we'll see who's jumpy and who isn't!"

Medren laughed again, grinning at his friend. He kept the smile in place even as he looked at his friend and started to worry. His face was paler than usual and he was shivering even though the Hall was kept very warm for the King. His hands shook as he picked up the gittern again and finished tuning it, fingers shaking.

"Are you okay, Stef? You look a little pale."

"Why don't you come by our quarters this afternoon? I know Vanyel would be happy to see you and I want to hear about your travel to Lineas-Baires."

"Sounds like a date," Medren said happily. "I would be glad to come; I haven't seen Vanyel since I recommended your Wild Talent as a treatment for Randale."

Stef's eyes sparkled and he said, "Look how that ended up. I can't wait to see you then but for now I have to use that Talent of mine."

Medren stood up and was halfway back across the hall when he realized Stef hadn't answered his question. He shook his head and chuckled at the quick evasion tactic.

* * *

When Medren walked into his uncle's quarters later that afternoon, he saw that he wasn't the only one there tonight. Aunt Lissa had claimed a chair from the table, sitting with her head leaning on the back of the chair. Great-Aunt Savil sat on a couch next to Andrel. Sitting at her feet was Jisa, with Treven leaning against the leg of Lissa's chair. Vanyel and Stef had claimed the other couch near the fire, with a large single chair left over.

He removed his shoes and made his way to the other chair, flopping into it with a sigh. As he stretched and rolled his shoulders Stef stood up and asked, "What would you like for a drink? We have mulled wine, water and a delicious red wine from Sweetsprings."

"The mulled wine is my favorite poison, maybe it will help ward off the chill. Tonight is going to be bitterly cold," Medren answered, noting with worry Stef's flinch at his words.

"I'll let you sweeten it. I know you put more in than most people could stand," Stef set the mug next to him and let him pour a decent amount of spices and sugar into the cup. He saw his uncle's eyebrow lift at the amount of sugar and the Herald-Mage said,

"My gods Medren, how do you sleep at night after drinking all that?"

"It doesn't bother me in the least. I crash once I hit my bedroom door. A huge lightning storm came through Highjourne while I was there and I didn't stir in the slightest. Tashir couldn't believe it; he said the whole place was shaking with the thunder."

"How is Tashir? I haven't seen him since Randi had me settle the whole mess the year Tashir was Chosen," Vanyel looked interested in his reply.

"He's doing fine. You heard he married right? He's got two kids, seven and four. The girl's likely to be Chosen according to Lores. She seems to have a strong latent talent for Empathy."

"That could be interesting," Savil put in. "Is she the eldest?"

"Yes."

"It could be a good thing if she's Chosen," Vanyel put in, "but it would be hard for a person in a ruling seat to have an Empathy Gift. People could take advantage of that."

Medren grimaced. "I hadn't thought of that." He laughed as he added, "The boy's a little whirlwind, causes more trouble than you and Lissa put together according to Jervis."

"Oh my," Lissa laughed. "I can just imagine him. Vanyel and I were little terrors on our own; both of us put together caused no end of chaos."

"How come I'm not surprised," Stef mumbled dryly, looking at Vanyel.

"Hey!" Vanyel objected, frowning at his lover. "I was a perfect angel, thank you very much."

"Maybe your disguise was an angel," Liss muttered, earning a scowl from her older brother. "You were a little scamp underneath and that's _Treesa's_ opinion, not mine."

Since everyone was laughing Vanyel settled for a look of injured pride and took a large drink of his red wine. Medren muffled his laugh by taking a drink as well, enjoying the light mood and his friends and family.

*

Vanyel smiled into his glass of wine, the laughter was like music to his ears. Stef seemed to have warmed up leaning against his shoulder. He caught Andrel's glance just as Andrel said, "Stefen, what time have you been taking that concoction at?"

"About nine, usually," the Bard looked at the clock and grumbled.

"Lissa, would you mind pouring some of that liquid next to you into that little glass and handing it over?"

"Not at all," Lissa said, turning to the squat bottle with the pain-killing mixture. She picked it up and poured it into the shot glass from the kitchens.

She handed it to Stefen, who eyed the glass with annoyance before downing the potion with a single gulp and a shudder. Vanyel took the little glass from him and stood, walking over to the table. He corked the small bottle and set it on the counter closest to the table. He turned back to Stefen and laughed at the expression on his lover's face.

"It doesn't taste _that_ bad," he teased as he sat down again, placing one arm around his lifebonded's shoulders.

"You try it," Stef retorted before taking a drink from his glass of wine.

"No thank you," Vanyel answered hastily, to his lover's grin of amusement. "From what Andrel told me that's a potent mix, it might not be a good idea."

"What would you know about that mixture?" Savil asked Andrel.

"I don't know Savil," he said to his lifebonded with cheerful good humor, "I only created the concoction for him."

"Stefen," Medren said softly to his friend, "why would you have to take something that a Healer mixed up for you?"

"I—"

Vanyel could feel his lover trembling, could sense the indecision in his thoughts. Gently he wrapped one arm around the Bard's waist, attempting to calm him and give him strength. He looked up and caught Savil's eyes, her gaze bored into his for a moment and she flinched. He could feel the tension and worry in the room with his faint empathy and whispered in Stefen's ear, "Tell them Stef. They all care a great deal about you. I'm right here."

"I've been poisoned. I'm going to die soon," Stef whispered with his gaze slanted toward the floor.

Liss gasped and said, "Why can't the Healers help you?"

"It included Black Angel mushrooms, Liss," Vanyel stated.

"How long do you have?" Savil asked Stef.

"Two, three days," Andrel replied from next to her.

"Do you know who?" Medren asked, hands shaking.

"I have my suspicion, but I'd never be able to prove it," Stefen said.

*

Savil watched the young Bard as he leaned against Vanyel. She was shocked beyond belief. She considered her nephew as she thought angrily, _Hasn't Vanyel suffered enough for the gods? For Valdemar? Who in all the hells would poison his lifebonded?_ Her face paled as she considered the Herald-Mage, watching him as he gently stroked the Bard's cheekbone.

Andrel looked at her and thought, _:What is it, love?:_

_:Losing Stef is going to kill Vanyel. He barely survived losing 'Lendel and they only knew each other for a few weeks. He's been lifebonded to Stefen for more than three months.:_

_:Yfandes says he'll survive,: _Kellan put in.

Savil considered her Companion's words as she said, _:How does she know? Vanyel's been through a great deal, but this is going to hurt him.:_

_:How did I know to Choose you?: _Kellanretorted_. :The Companions just _know_. She says he'll survive but he'll be completely lost and in a great deal of pain.:_

Vanyel's silver eyes suddenly tightened in rage as he thought of something. He looked down into Stef's eyes and snarled, "Withern."

Stefen flinched. That was enough for the Herald-Mage. "Withern poisoned him," Vanyel snapped, looking at Savil. "A couple days ago he invited Stef and I to talk with him about something. It wasn't very important but we ended up staying for a while. He got out three glasses of that pear wine. I wondered why he bothered to get it out; he keeps that for important guests. Now I know why, it's one of the only wines in Haven Stef's never tried before. He wouldn't know the difference in the taste."

Savil looked away from her nephew's enraged eyes and asked Stefen, "Do you remember what the pear wine tasted like?"

"Thick, I remember being surprised at how heavy it was. The fruit was muted, foggy almost. It was also very slick and oily."

"That's enough for me," Savil snorted in distaste. "The pear wine is what Ashkevron Manor is famous for besides the horses. It's a light wine, very delicate and fruity. Definitely not what you described."

Savil looked at her nephew. He caught her gaze with cold silver eyes and she heard his voice in her head. It was tight with a burning fury and hurt. _:My own father, Savil. He poisoned my lifebonded, did it with a smile even. I remember wondering why he was so friendly to Stef, not only is he _shay'a'chern_ but he's also a Bard and you know how Withern hates Bards.:_

Savil was surprised to see a frightened look in Stef's eyes as he looked at the Herald-Mage. It was well hidden behind sincere grief and pain, but to an experienced Herald the undertones were all too plain.

_:He is frightened of what my Chosen will do. _I_ am uncertain of what he is thinking, my Chosen is good at blocking people from his mind when he wishes to be alone.:_ Yfandes warm voice echoed in Savil's head.

Savil's mouth tightened with worry. If Vanyel was blocking his _Companion_ he was thinking some very un-Heraldic thoughts. She considered him and prepared to speak. _Oh gods, if he's anything like 'Lendel I'm going to be vibrating like a harp string again in a few minutes._

*

Medren considered his uncle, nervous in the Herald's presence for the first time in years. He had never seen him this angry; it was almost thick enough to breathe. The expressive eyes had gone hard and cold and his lips were pinched in fury. The long, slender fingers were clenched hard enough to turn his knuckles from pale to white.

He turned his head and looked at his great-Aunt, noting her straightened posture. She looked nervous as she said, "Vanyel, I don't know what you're thinking but if you're blocking Yfandes it can't be anything good."

The only answer she received was a harsh, bitter laugh. Medren saw Stef flinch and itched to yell at his uncle. He opened his mouth and spoke before he could stop himself. "Uncle Van, you need to calm down please."

When the Herald locked angry silver eyes on him he swallowed and said softly, "I'm asking both as your nephew and a friend of your lifebonded. You're making Stef nervous."

The Herald-Mage looked down at his lover, noting the fear hidden behind other emotions. For a moment the whole room remained oppressive and tense, then Vanyel let go of the breath he'd been holding with a hiss and forced himself to relax.

Savil slumped in relief and said, "Tomorrow we'll deal with Withern. And we'll do it the _official _way."

She sighed in answer to a mental statement and said, "I know, Vanyel. I'd love to join you on that but it's not only against Havens' laws, it's unacceptable to Herald ethics."

They all remained a little while longer to talk and drink, then Lissa stood, apologizing that she needed to get up early for drills. Andrel levered himself upright, supporting Savil as they both said goodbye. Jisa and Treven nimbly got up from the floor and left after promising to speak in the morning.

When Medren was the only one left he stood and walked over to Stefen, putting a hand on his friends' shoulder. When the younger man looked up he smiled and said, "See you tomorrow, Stef."

Stefen smiled wearily and nodded.

His uncle looked at him for a moment and then stood, hugging the young Bard. "Thank you, Medren. I would've lost myself to anger if not for you."

"You're welcome. Just don't make me do that again anytime soon. It's not pleasant to interrupt a Herald-Mage when he's thinking."

Vanyel chuckled softly and said, "I promise I won't. See you tomorrow."

Medren walked out, making it all the way to his quarters before the shock hit him. He sat down, looking at a sketch one of his fellow Journeymen had made of him and Stef sitting on a window ledge studying some boring text. He looked at the sparkle so realistically conveyed in his best friend's eye and lay back on his bed before he was overwhelmed with grief and pain.

*

It was late in the evening. He lay very still, listening to his lover's slow breathing. With a blank gaze he considered the fire, watching it illuminate the ceiling and cast heavy shadows throughout the room. The heat made him drowsy and he wished he could fall asleep. He was exhausted enough and yet he couldn't sleep.

Vanyel slowly turned his head and looked at Stef; the Bard's pale face and the labored breath. _That _was why he didn't sleep, he was afraid if he did Stef wouldn't be there when he woke. It was a morbid thought but all too possible now, thanks to his father.

Vanyel's lip curled in a silent snarl of rage as he thought of Withern. The man hadn't ruined his life enough already. He had to take from Vanyel the only thing that made this life of his worth living. Because of his _father _he was going to lose his lifebonded, the source of love and joy in his life. _Withern will pay tomorrow_, Vanyel promised himself, _he'll pay for_ everything.

The Herald felt a sudden chill run down his spine as he considered something else. Because of his _father_ he was going to be alone again. For a moment panic filled him as his breath came in shallow gasps. He forced himself to take a deeper breath and relax, letting go of his fear and the fury he could feel building in his mind.

As he considered the evening he remembered his disbelief when Medren had told him he'd been making his love nervous. He'd looked into Stef's eyes and seen not nerves but fear. Had he been standing it would have made him take a step back in shock. Fear was the one emotion he'd never seen in Stef's eyes before. Then 'Fandes had popped into his head and told him that Stef was afraid of what he'd do, not of him.

A soft murmur caused Vanyel to focus his attention on Stefen again just as the Bard's deep hazel eyes flickered open. His eyes came to rest on Vanyel and a beautiful smile crossed his lips. "Why are you still awake, Van-_ashke_?"

The affectionate nickname caused Vanyel's breath to catch as he said, "I'm afraid to, _ke'chara._ I don't know if you'll be here when I wake."

"I will be, I promise. I have it on very good authority that I'll be able to say goodbye," the soft voice was accompanied by a melancholy smile.

"You need to rest, _ashke. _I'll be here in the morning," Stef murmured, almost asleep again.

Vanyel sighed and rested his head on Stef's chest, listening to the firm, steady heartbeat. He closed his eyes and drifted off to the crackle of the flames and the soft breathing of his lover.

* * *


	2. Part II

**Part II of III**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------**

The next morning Vanyel slid out of bed and dressed carefully. If he was going to confront Withern today he wanted to be at his most impressive. So instead of his normal Whites he pulled out the Formal Whites he kept for important occasions and foreign diplomats. He pulled the loose silk of the inner tunic over his head. Next was the stiff white leather of the outer tunic. It was a piece of material with amber embroidery and crisp military lines accentuating his wide shoulders and thin waist.

When he had stepped into the suede breeches and tied the white hooded cloak around his shoulders he stepped out of the bedroom to retrieve Stefen's medication. He gave an affirmative murmur when he heard a knock at the door and looked up just in time to see Medren's admiring surprise at his appearance. He smiled at his nephew and said, "Medren, would you mind staying with Stef for a while?"

"I was going to suggest it, actually," Medren admitted. "He looked exhausted last night, I wasn't sure he'd hold up going to the Audience Hall."

"I'm going to tell Randale he can't help anymore. According to Andy he needs to rest, he's going to lose strength quickly."

"I know Stef's going to hate it. He likes to be useful."

"He's so stubborn," Vanyel said with a low chuckle.

"He has very good hearing, too," Stefen's voice muttered, causing both Vanyel and Medren to jump as they exchanged sheepish looks.

Vanyel poured a glassful of the liquid and headed back to the bedroom, followed by Medren. He avoided his lover's affronted gaze as he sat on the edge of the bed, supporting the Bard. With a half-hearted frown Stefen drank it, shuddering. He placed a warm kiss on Stef's forehead and walked out, trying to ignore the narrowed eyes. He sighed as he put on his normal boots; he was going to pay for the 'stubborn' comment later.

He stepped out of their quarters, heading for Savil's rooms. He knew Andrel would be there, the Healer spent a great deal of his free time with Vanyel's aunt.

He chuckled as he remembered the shock when he'd realized that his stiff, willful Aunt had lifebonded to the kind-natured and agreeable Healer. According to Savil the lifebond had been in place for years, since before Vanyel had come to Haven. That was why she'd trusted him enough to drug Vanyel with argonel after Tylendel had died. He extended a careful thought out to his Aunt, making sure he could come in.

He received a cheerful approval and walked in with a smile. His aunt sat in her favorite chair, a huge monstrosity that Vanyel had persuaded her to have recovered in warm gray. The number of times he'd been in here sitting at her feet when she was in that chair he couldn't even begin to count. She also wore her Formal Whites, though hers were embroidered in a soft rose-pink.

The embroidery was unique to each of the Herald-Mages, of whom Savil and Vanyel were the last. It matched their mage-focus, the stone through which they could concentrate Mage-Gifts the best. Savil's was the rose quartz, Vanyel's was amber. For a moment his fingers drifted against the half-globe of flawless amber set into a pendant around his neck. Stef had given it to him after he returned from Rethwellan and a meeting with Queen Lythiaren.

Savil chuckled and said, "Well, don't we look the fine pair of peacocks."

She stood wearily and stepped up to Vanyel. She looked deep into his eyes before she said, "Ready, nephew?"

"More than ready," Vanyel replied.

"Let's go. Andy, are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a minute. I want to check on Stefen."

"Medren's with him. If he's a little irritable it's because he's beginning to realize that he's being too obstinate for his own good."

Andrel chuckled and said, "I'm not surprised he's annoyed. Anytime I've run into him in the past he's been the most impatient to heal and get on with what he was doing. He seems to think he has to do everything at twice the normal speed."

As Andrel disappeared out the door Vanyel laughed ruefully and said, "I'm going to pay for that later. He overheard me say that he's stubborn and he was glaring daggers at me."

"Whoops," Savil giggled.

As they walked down the hall she sobered and said as she looked at him, "_Ke'chara,_ I'm worried about you. How are you holding up?"

"Most of the time I'm doing all right. When I'm tired or thinking too much it will catch up to me that I'm going to be alone again and I feel like running for hours. I'm afraid to be alone again, Aunt," his voice was a whisper.

When she looked at him encouragingly he continued, "The other half of the time I feel so angry, Savil. I hate it because I know I'm not like this, but it's just so _unfair_. I lost 'Lendel after such a short time and now I'm going to lose Stef. You think that every once in a while my life could be _normal_."

"The life of a Herald-Mage is never normal, but you have to remember that you aren't alone, Vanyel. I love you as much as if you were mine and your kids all love you very much. Medren considers you his favorite person in our crazy family and you can't forget our _Tayledras _friends Starwind and Moondance. You're their Wingbrother, that's more of a tie than blood to them. As far as feeling angry, you have a right to feel emotions Vanyel, you just can't act on them in Haven's legal system."

"I know I'm not _alone,_ Aunt. It's just that Stef is my lifebonded, my other half. I love him more than I do myself."

He frowned for a moment in thought and then continued, choosing his words carefully. "It's odd, Savil. As far as lifebonds go, Stefen means more to me than 'Lendel did. When I met 'Lendel, his appearance and my feelings for him were a shock. I'd had no idea about the _shay'a'chern_ and he was the first person besides you that didn't ignore me. I became so dependent on him that I forgot that love has to be equal. Stefen is different. He's so wonderful and perfect in his own way but I know him more than I did Tylendel. It's as if 'Lendel was nothing more than a crush and Stef represents _love_. That must sound odd," he finished with a mutter.

"No, Van. It makes perfect sense. If I think about it, that's the way 'Lendel was to everyone. He was just so beautiful that he was a shock and his," she paused, searching for the right word, "_willing_ nature made him hard to hold onto. Stefen's more stable, concrete."

"All though," she said with a wicked grin, "according to Medren Stefen and 'Lendel have one thing in common."

"What would that be?" Vanyel asked, puzzled by her expression.

"_Experience _in certain matters," she answered, watching him flush.

She laughed out loud.

Vanyel just grumbled.

*

Stefen leaned back into the couch cushions after Andrel left, wrapped in two heavy thermal blankets. With his eyes closed he sighed as the heat from the roaring fire flickered against his face. He opened his eyes (_it was too bright!_) and looked at Medren, sitting across from him in the same chair as last night.

"You know," he mumbled, "I'm not going to break if someone sits next to me."

He heard Medren stand and walk over to sit next to him, felt the weight settle next to him. He sighed and leaned his head against his best friend's shoulder. Medren remained stiff for a moment and then wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"I'm not angry at you, Medren. I'm not really angry at Van either. I just hate being reminded that I'm useless now. Bards aren't as useful as Heralds or Healers but I was doing _something_ when I was playing for Randale."

He stiffened against Medren's shoulder as he whispered, "Oh gods, I'm talking about myself in past tense."

"Stefen," Medren said urgently, "You are doing something important, just as important as the Healers and Heralds. If not for you there wouldn't _be _a pain-blocking technique. Just _think_ of what that's going to do for the Heralds of Valdemar's future."

_Lighting, pain and a great emptiness. _"Or what it could have done for Heralds long gone,"Stef whispered.

Medren looked at him strangely for a moment and the said, "Stef, I think I'd better help you into the bedroom. You look tired, my friend."

"I'm always tired," Stef murmured, aware that he sounded like a petulant child but beyond caring.

When he was lying down, covered in blankets he closed his eyes as Medren picked up a lute and began to play. It was a sweet little melody, one of the first ones they had learned to play. Stefen smiled as he remembered learning to play that one, how hard it had seemed. It was so easy now, automatic…

_He was standing on a hill overlooking Companion's Field. Only this wasn't that familiar place, it was too beautiful and perfect. It was so warm and bright, Stefen longed to step forward onto the grass, feel the blades between his toes. Just as he stepped forward he was surrounded by a gray fog._

_Confused, he turned around and saw he wasn't alone. A tall figure wearing glowing white stood within a couple steps of him, an inviting smile on his perfect lips. As he gazed at the soft, subtle glow that surrounded the figure he said, "I know you."_

_The beautiful figure smiled and nodded. "I know you as well, Tylendel."_

"_I'm not Tylendel. My name is Stefen," Stefen corrected._

"_Are you really? Then why do you remember things from another man's life? Why does your mind remember the touch of a Companion, or the pet name of your lifebonded?"_

"_What are you saying?" Stefen whispered._

"_Do we ever really leave the ones we love?" the Shadow Lover asked. "You denied my embrace last time and rightly so. The one you left behind needed to be healed and you wouldn't leave him in the mess created after you threw yourself off the Bell tower."_

"_Are you saying that I was 'Lendel?" Stef said incredulously._

_Death nodded, a proud smile crossing his lips. "I will let you remember fully in a few days, Tylendel-Stefen. This time I think you will welcome the rest. You and your lifebonded have one common bond besides that of love, by the way."_

_As the distance began to grow between them Stefen raised his voice and shouted, "What is that bond, Shadow Lover?"_

"_You have both been offered my love before and you both rejected it. Goodbye, Tylendel-Stefen. I will meet with you again soon."_

Stefen gasped and started upright. Head pounding he wondered if what he'd dreamed was true. The dream was pushed out of his mind as he realized something. Even though he could hear the crackle of the flames and he knew it wasn't that much later the room remained dark to his gaze. Belatedly he remembered Andrel's description of what would happen to him.

If his sight was gone, his body was beginning to shut down. He lay back down with a shiver, burrowing under the warmth of the blankets. He closed his eyes and sighed, fear of Death greatly reduced. He remembered the dream and smiled, he'd always known it was true. He'd always loved Vanyel.

* * *

Jisa stood not far from the throne, wearing a dark green dress that contrasted with her sable hair. She didn't wear gowns very often, feeling that they were too bulky to move in. Today she was in her official capacity as Consort to the Heir and future King's Own so she stood there in her pretty gown with jewels in her hair and felt out of place. She was _not_ by any stretch of the imagination the clothes-horse her father had been.

Her silent companion was more of a shadow. In his black, dark blue and silver dress uniform, King's Guard Captain Arven Ashkevron looked more the part of a royal than his half-sister. The humorous greeting when they'd first met had been compounded upon learning they were half-siblings, sharing a stunning Herald-Mage as their father.

Arven pushed a lock of dark red hair out of his blue-gray eyes, keeping the other hand on the hilt of his elegant rapier. The blade was thin and rigid, with a beautifully made hilt of twisted silver and gold metal. Arven was the only one of their father's illegitimate children that carried his last name. Arven only had the name because he'd asked if Vanyel minded and the startled Herald hadn't.

Their father had no legitimate heirs because he was _shay'a'chern _and refused to marry a woman for the express purpose of siring a legitimate heir. Jisa quietly applauded her father's decision to not play by the rules of the Court. It didn't make him very popular with the nobles of Haven but it put him a cut above the rest in character. The fact that he was quite openly known as shayach had not pleased his father.

Jisa studied Lord Withern Ashkevron with a critical eye. She had never seen or met her grandfather but now she was glad of it. He was the perfect stereotype of a backwater Lord, known by appearance only to those in his territory.

She glanced at her half-brother and saw his upper lip curl in a snarl of disgust and hatred. Arven was Gifted, something Vanyel didn't know. It was a rare Gift, one that the Chronicler had to search back through the records to find the description of. It was about to be employed in its primary usage.

The double doors to the Audience Hall swung open, revealing Vanyel and Savil. Jisa smiled at her father, earning a small nod in return. The pair passed her and stopped in front of Randale, making the small bow required of Heralds to their King.

"Herald-Mage Vanyel and Herald-Mage Savil Ashkevron, what accusation to you wish to bring before me?"

Vanyel's voice was as hard as ice, "That Lord Withern Ashkevron, Lord of Forst Reach and Ashkevron Manor, did knowingly poison Bard Stefen of Haven."

"What is your response to this accusation, Lord Withern Ashkevron?"

"I am not guilty of this, my King. There is no proof behind this accusation."

Randale turned his head in Jisa's direction, pale face looking just past her. "King's Guard Captain Arven Ashkevron, please step forward."

Jisa saw Withern's quick expression of shock as Arven stepped past her into the light and his beautiful facial structure was cast into light. Also alone of all Vanyel's children Arven had inherited the fine-boned face. The quick, graceful bow was executed with military precision as Arven asked, "What would you require of me, my King?"

Randale looked into blue-gray eyes and said, "There are two questions needing to be answered here. First and most importantly, did Withern Ashkevron knowingly poison Bard Stefen? Second, what was his reason behind it?"

Arven gave a brisk nod of acknowledgement as Randale turned to Withern and said, "You have given me the power to use the Gifts to prove your guilt or innocence by appearing before me today, Lord Withern. Those Gifts shall now be employed."

Among startled looks from Vanyel and Savil the young Guard Captain stepped forward. When he was a foot from Withern he shifted his pose to a loose parade rest, removing the elegant blade with one smooth action. Jisa tensed, why had he removed his blade? It wasn't required for what he was about to do.

He extended the narrow tip toward Withern and used gentle pressure to force the Lord to look at him. Withern gasped as his eyes met the flat gaze and went rigid. Neither Arven nor Withern heard the loud _crack_ that followed the direct eye contact, but it seemed to echo in the empty chamber. A subtle blue glow ran the length of the blade and wrapped Withern in a faint mist. There was absolute silence in the room for a few moments.

Arven began to speak in a flat monotone. "Withern was aware of what he was doing. The clear poison was already in the glass when he removed it from the cabinet. The pear wine was selected due to the fact that Bard Stefen had never tried it before. Withern's original target was his son Vanyel Ashkevron but he chose Stefen instead, knowing it would hurt the Herald-Mage."

Arven continued, "The reasoning behind the poison was to break Vanyel away from what Withern considers impure. Withern sees Bard Stefen as little more than a well-behaved charlatan. He considers the Bardic Collegium to be of little true worth. He believes that the lifebond between Bard Stefen and Vanyel Ashkevron to be a charade."

The young Guard Captain blinked once and gave a long, shuddering sigh. As he lowered the blade away from Withern's face the Lord Ashkevron's eyes came alive with rage and he spat, "You lie!"

"I cannot lie while using my Gift, Lord Withern," Arven answered mildly. He changed his grip on the blade and put it away with a smooth, fluid action.

"Guard Captain, in your eyes as seen by your Gift, is Lord Withern guilty as accused?"

"Yes," was his answer, while Withern seethed.

"If it were in your hands, Arven Ashkevron, what would you do with him?"

Arven turned to face Randale, expression solemn and proud. "If he were a military officer, sir, I would recommend sending him to the front lines of the Border in chains. As it is, I say that his crime is worthy of execution," he stated, continuing as Withern's face began to pale, "possibly by poison. Not by the kind he gave Bard Stefen, I doubt the Healers would want to put up with him for five days. Something quick and painful, so that he understands what he's done before he dies."

"That is somewhat brutal, Captain Arven," Shavri stated.

"So, it is said, is the ripping of a lifebond by unnatural death," Arven retorted.

"You call yourself by the name Ashkevron and yet you would have me killed," Withern snarled.

"That is because the one who will be most affected by Bard Stefen's loss is my honored father!" Arven shot back.

"Enough, Arven," Vanyel murmured.

"As you desire, Father."

Arven made a crisp bow to the King and left, smiling faintly at Jisa as he passed. Jisa stepped forward, out of the shadows. She ignored her father's faint start of surprise at seeing her in a dress and said to Withern, "It is difficult to accuse King's Guard Captain Arven Ashkevron of lying, Lord Withern. Not only is it impossible for a person to lie while using a Gift, but Arven has one of the rarest of all."

"Arven's Gift is called TrueSight and it has not appeared for the last hundred years. TrueSight means that when direct eye contact is made after having been asked a certain question about that person he sees the truth as it is from their own thoughts. It is impossible to hide your thoughts from one with TrueSight."

"Withern Ashkevron, you have been found guilty of poisoning Bard Stefen, said person being a member of a Collegium and under the direct protection of the Crown. As such you are hereby stripped of your titles, said titles being Lord of Ashkevron Manor and Lord of Forst Reach. Titles shall pass to your designated Heir, Mekeal Ashkevron. Sentencing is execution, method to be determined at a later date," Randale intoned with a flat voice.

After Withern had been escorted out of the Audience Hall to one of the holding cells below Randale slumped and muttered, "Gods, what a mess."

"I just thank those same gods that we have one with TrueSight in the Palace," Jisa replied.

"Indeed, we are lucky to have Arven here among us. Without that Gift it is likely I would be dead," Randale agreed.

Shavri looked at Vanyel and Savil and said, "Arven's usual patrol is out near the entrance to the Palace. We give him a few questions and he uses his TrueSight to See if anyone means Randi harm. Just a few weeks ago he was here in the Audience Hall when a Mage-shielded assassin entered with a party from Hardorn. Arven brought out his blade and hit the man in the back of the head, killing him instantly. We were shocked to say the least; Arven usually gives a very good reason for his actions. The minute he died, the appearance the mage had crafted fell apart."

"Thank goodness the Hardorn party had nothing to do with it. They were as surprised as we were," Treven put in, speaking for the first time. Standing to the left of Randale in his Heraldic Whites he glowed in the lights of the Hall.

"I would ask one last thing of you, Randale," Vanyel said, eyes darkening with shadowed pain.

"What would that be, Herald-Mage?"

The official tone of voice seemed to help him; Jisa noticed that the silver eyes gained more of their former shielded look. Jisa had Empathy enough to feel her father's mental torment though and she ached to comfort him. She saw Savil wince and knew that the woman saw what she did.

"I ask for you to release Bard Stefen from his duty, my King. He grows weaker day by day and he has not been able to play music for quite some time now," Vanyel's voice was little more than a whisper.

"Granted, Herald-Mage Vanyel. I also think that the throne and Haven can do without your considerable help for a few days, Vanyel. Do not bother reporting in, stay with the one who needs you most."

"Thank you, my King." The two Herald-Mages made their bows and Jisa was stunned to notice that Savil's was steadier than her father's. They exited the hall together as quickly as they'd come.

* * *


	3. Part III

When Vanyel and Savil returned to her quarters, there was a piece of paper sitting on her desk with a single pure white feather on top. Savil opened it, read the handwriting inside and chuckled. She handed it to Vanyel.

_To Herald-Mages Savil Ashkevron and Vanyel Ashkevron: I have been instructed by my honored fathers to write this note. It is both a request for permission and a notification that we shall Gate to your Grove Temple tomorrow morning. The party includes me, my honored sister Featherfire and my honored fathers Starwind and Moondance. We shall be glad to see you both, as well as Bard Stefen and Healer Andrel. Written in my own hand, Brightstar k'Treva of the _Tayledras.

"He certainly understands how to use formal speech," Savil said.

"It shall be a good thing to see them. I haven't seen Brightstar in a couple of years. I don't even remember when I last saw Feather. Arven and Jisa have never met them."

"I remember the last time you saw her. We both went to k'Vala Vale to help them negotiate a treaty with Rethwellan. She was ten and a near double for her mother," Savil answered.

"I remember now. She was a pretty little thing," Vanyel said with a smile.

"All of your children are beautiful, Vanyel. I haven't seen Arven in a while, that red hair is a shock."

"Speaking of hair, Brightstar's has probably finished bleaching out by now."

"His peregrine's has," she said, holding up the pure white feather.

Vanyel smiled and helped Savil to her chair, kissing her on the forehead and saying sternly, "Rest now. If that group is coming tomorrow, I anticipate that you'll be up late talking with Starwind and Moondance about some silly thing."

"Our topics are never silly," Savil protested.

"Oh? How about the time you were trying to convince Starwind that the tree houses are unsafe?"

"They are! You've never been up in one of those things, Vanyel. Homes are meant to be on the ground, not perched among the clouds!"

Vanyel laughed and walked out. Still smiling he walked down the hall a short ways to his rooms and opened the door. Chuckling he removed the boots, leaning on a chair.

"You sound like you just heard something amusing," Stefen's voice murmured.

"I did _ke'chara._ Savil can be so funny about what she chooses to be stubborn about. The _Tayledras _have most of their homes up off the ground in trees and every once in a while she'll start arguing with Starwind about how they need to be on the ground and not in the air."

Stef weakly laughed and said, "I can just imagine Savil getting into an argument with somebody. She's so very contrary to what everyone expects."

Vanyel looked up and saw his lifebonded sitting on the couch nearest the flames, his pale features glowing in the heat. He walked over and poured some of the powerful medication into the glass before moving in Stef's direction and saying, "Here, _ke'chara._ Andrel wants you to start taking this every nine hours now."

Stefen's pale fingers touched the edge of the glass before he carefully took it from Vanyel and drank it with his usual shudder. He handed it back to Vanyel just as he'd taken it, with slow caution. Vanyel frowned in thought as he returned the glass to the counter and made a quick detour to their bedroom to change. By the time he was in more comfortable clothes he had put two and two together and come up with the most likely answer.

As he took the place of the pillows Stef was leaning against with the Bard's head resting on his chest he said, "_Ke'chara,_ when did you lose your sight?"

His lover stiffened for a moment, but as Vanyel remained still besides letting gentle fingers stroke a well-defined cheekbone he relaxed with a sigh. "I don't know exactly. I was asleep. Medren stayed quite a while; he must have left after I drifted off. It was a shock when I woke up, it still is."

"Because of what Andrel told you?" Vanyel murmured.

"No, actually. I'm not as afraid of dying anymore, _ashke._ The blindness scares me," Stef whispered, "it's so dark now. I've been sitting here in front of the fire for about an hour and nothing penetrates it. I feel lost and alone in this blackness," he shivered.

Vanyel wrapped both arms around his lover and held him in a tight embrace. "You're never alone, Stef. Randale gave me an indefinite leave and I'm _not_ going to leave you_._"

"But _ashke,_ at the end of all this I'm going to leave you," Stefen whispered.

"I know," Vanyel said hoarsely, "and if I let myself think about it I want to put you up on 'Fandes and run until we leave this all behind. I love you more than I do myself, _ke'chara._"

"Then don't think about it," Stef murmured, kissing Vanyel on the cheek.

"Then you can't either," Vanyel answered.

"Deal. How did your meeting with Randale go?" Stef asked.

Vanyel sighed, "I wish you wouldn't ask me about that _ke'chara._ I know what Withern was thinking will hurt you."

"I'm not a child, _ashke._ I know that it's impossible for everyone in the world to like me."

"First of all, Withern did do it. The poison was already in the glass when he took out the three glasses, it was clear so neither one of us detected it. I guess his original target was me, but he chose you instead because he knew it would hurt me to watch you die."

Stef flinched and Vanyel stopped speaking and simply held the beautiful young Bard. "I shouldn't tell you about this, lover."

Stef sighed and said, "Yes you should, Van. The reason for my reaction was that your own father could want to cause you so much pain."

"Are you sure you want me to continue, Stef? It gets worse," Vanyel warned.

Stefen smiled and said, "Yes, Vanyel. I'm sure."

"His reasoning behind it is flawed at best. From his own thoughts he believed that by killing you he could break me out a _habit,_ which is what he calls _shay'a'chern._ He's never considered Bards very important anyway and he thinks that you're—," Vanyel broke off, anger making it impossible for him to say it.

"Nothing more than a street child with a great deal of luck, shady talents and doubtful character. He's not the only one; I didn't exactly make myself popular with people."

"He also believes that our lifebond was faked," Vanyel growled.

"You can't fake a lifebond," Stef murmured. "I've always loved you, Van-_ashke_. How did you read Withern's emotions? I thought he had very strong personal shields."

"He still does," Vanyel admitted. "It turns out that Arven _is _Gifted. You remember who Arven is right?"

"Of course I remember who Arven is. He's your youngest, raised by two _shay'a'chern _ladies who were former members of the army," Stef sounded indignant that Vanyel might think he wouldn't remember.

Vanyel laughed softly, "Just checking. Arven has a rare Gift, one called TrueSight."

"I think I can guess what that does," Stef mumbled, voice only a little sarcastic.

"You must be feeling better," Vanyel answered.

"I always feel better when I'm around you," Stef murmured. "So Arven's Gift lets him sense what people are thinking?"

"Only with direct eye contact and once he has a specific question asked. He's been promoted since the last time I saw him, by the way."

"To what?" Stef asked.

"King's Guard Captain. I wish you could have seen Withern's face when Randi called Arven as 'Ashkevron'. It was priceless."

"I'll bet it was," Stef answered.

"On a little side note, when I took Savil back to her quarters there was a short letter on her desk. It was from Brightstar. Tomorrow Haven is going to play host to a flock of _Tayledras._ Brightstar is coming along with Starwind, Moondance and Featherfire."

"Brightstar and Featherfire are twins, correct?" Stefen asked.

"Yes. I haven't seen Feather since she was about ten. I saw Brightstar two years ago."

"He'd just bonded to a peregrine falcon, right?"

"Yes."

"So all of your children are going to be in one place at the same time," Stef chuckled. "_That_ ought to be interesting."

"It will be," Vanyel agreed.

"Where are they Gating in?" Stef asked. Vanyel had explained the concept of the Gates to him a while ago and he knew how fiendishly tricky they were.

"The Grove Temple. Why do you want to know?"

"Because I want to go with you, _ashke._"

"You're too weak, Stef," Vanyel said gently.

"I'm not when I'm with you, Vanyel. Please, _ashke_. It's important to me."

"Very well," Vanyel sighed. When Stef perked up and smiled at him he added, "I want you to stay close to Andrel, Savil or myself though _ke'chara._ Or Medren, since I think he's coming along."

"I promise I will," Stef murmured with a smile, resting his head against Vanyel's.

The smile, though just as beautiful as always, hurt Vanyel to see. Even though it still had all the innocence and love, it didn't touch the blank hazel eyes. He lightly kissed the closed eyes and said, "I think you should rest, love."

Stefen didn't protest, trusting Vanyel to guide him from the room.

* * *

Brightstar k'Treva stood just on the _Tayledras_ side of a Gate, admiring his honored father Starwind's control of the magical passage. He _still_ had trouble with the darn things, though he was reluctant to admit it. He was excited but controlled it behind a carefully blank expression. He had not left Hawkbrother territory in the length of his life and now he was about to see the world where his blood-father lived.

He flicked his silver eyes sideways and noted Feather's more obvious nerves. She didn't have such control over her features as her twin did, but then their honored blood-father hadn't seen her in years and her appearance was going to be somewhat of a shock. She caught him looking at her and gave a quick smile. He smirked back, earning a sharp glare.

_:Enjoying yourselves, are you?:_ The voice in his head was amused.

Brightstar cast a glance around their small party and saw a cheerful light dancing in his honored father Moondance's ice-blue eyes. The Healer-Adept looked as stunning as usual in his dark green sleeveless tunic and short pants.

_:I don't know what you're talking about, honored father.:_

_:Of course you don't.:_

_:_Ashke, _I would prefer it if you went through first. Some of those on the other side have never seen our quicksilver child and he might make them nervous.:_ A warm voice put in.

_:Of course,:_ Moondance replied. Brightstar watched as he stepped forward, long silver hair seemingly impervious to the breeze. His owl remained calm, wings still as he stepped forward and disappeared through the Gate.

He looked at his other father, noting the faint strain the Gate was causing in Starwind's sharp, triangular face. The older _Tayledras _met his gaze and nodded. _:You next, _ke'chara._ Try not to cause _too_ much trouble before your honored sister and I get there.:_

Brightstar didn't dignify the good-natured jab with an answer, turning to face the Gate with a grimace. It didn't hurt him as much as it did his honored blood-father but it was still very uncomfortable. He stepped forward eagerly and after the short, stomach-turning jolt walked into Valdemar.

The first thing he noticed was that he was in a large field. There was a slight breeze ruffling the dark green grass underfoot and fresh, warm air swirling around his face. He noted proudly that his bondbird remained on his shoulder, only ruffling his feathers to show that he was uncomfortable in new surroundings.

There were five people standing in the clearing. Two were familiar to Brightstar, the rest were new faces. He looked carefully at the new faces, wondering who they were. By the process of straight logic he knew the one in green was Healer Andrel, Valdemar and the _Tayledras _shared colors of their ranks.

The two young men standing side by side were both new to Brightstar, but by his honored father Moondance's expression of recognition only one was new to him. Brightstar guessed that they were both younger than him, not long past their second decade. The one on the left had brown hair and eyes and a slender, pared-down frame that implied power. He wore the rust-colored tunic of a Journeyman Bard and had a warm, easy smile.

The other one stood not two feet from Brightstar's blood-father and the close position along with the ease of the action proclaimed him to be Bard Stefen, his father's lifebonded. Brightstar knew he was staring curiously at the young man but he couldn't help it. His honored father's had told him that Vanyel's lifebonded was little more than half his age but the appearance was a surprise.

Whereas the young man standing on the other side of him was obviously strong beneath his slender appearance Stefen was _delicate._ The wiry strength hidden beneath the frail cover was disappearing, leaving behind a slight figure that looked weak enough to break with too much pressure. His face was as sharp as Starwind's, with higher, flatter cheekbones and auburn waves that fell into hazel eyes.

"When did you get so tall, _ke'chara?_" Savil asked. He turned to look at the female Herald-Mage and was surprised to realize he had to look _down_ to look into her eyes.

"When did you get so _short_?" he retorted with cheerful good humor.

She reached up to swat him on the shoulder and he neatly stepped out of her reach. A warm chuckle from behind him announced Starwind's arrival as he said, "Why am I not surprised that my joke turned out accurate, quicksilver child?"

He grinned at his honored father as he replied, "It was Wingsister Savil's fault. Or yours, since it is because of you and Moondance that I have a quick sense of humor."

Brightstar heard his blood-father's warm laugh just as the older man stepped forward and gave him a hug as he said, "It is good to see you again."

"You as well," he replied, smiling at the angular face with the same silver eyes, "It always seems like too much happens between the years."

Vanyel's slender hand reached up and twitched his hair, which just brushed his lower jaw. "You like being different, don't you?"

"Always. What point is there in being an individual if we all look the same?"

A soft laugh made Brightstar turn his head and look at Stefen. He noted that even though the smile stayed in place, it didn't reach the dark eyes. _:Bard Stefen is blind, Brightstar. That is recent, he was fine the last time I saw him.:_ Moondance's voice sounded concerned in his head.

Brightstar saw his blood-father freeze and smiled. He turned and looked at his twin as she stepped through the Gate, once again admiring his lovely sister.

She looked, Starwind had said, like a feminine version of Vanyel. Pale skin, arched eyebrows and raven black hair complemented the only major difference between her and her father, a pair of vivid jade-green eyes. She was shorter than Vanyel, her body more delicate. Her stride was made with a dancer's grace, supple power in every movement. Her hair was held out of her face with a thin band of white leather and fell in loose waves to the middle of her back.

"I am surprised to see you on your feet, _alda._" The _Tayledras _word for 'father' made Vanyel smile as he embraced his daughter.

"I am just as surprised as you are. Starwind still has the Gate up and I don't feel a thing. You are beautiful, Feather. I recognize those eyes of yours," Vanyel lightly touched her cheek.

"I am very glad to see you not in pain when near a Gate, Wingbrother," Moondance stepped forward and placed a warm, brotherly kiss against Vanyel's forehead.

"I would be as well if I knew why," Vanyel replied.

"If you want a culprit, Uncle, look to Stefen for the answer," the Bard said with a grin, nodding his head.

Now that they were paying attention, they could hear music. Nothing complex, just a few simple chords repeated. Brightstar realized that Stefen was humming softly under his breath. He turned to the other Bard and said, "What is he doing?"

"Stefen has what we call a Wild Talent. He can sing pain away. My name is Medren, by the way."

The young _Tayledras _could see a thoughtful expression on his honored father Moondance's face. The Healer-Adept said out loud, "If you would point some of the music this way, please."

It shifted a little, falling over a larger group. Moondance had closed his eyes as he concentrated on the music. He opened his eyes again and looked at Stefen with a distinctly wistful expression. _"_If only you were _Tayledras,_ Bard Stefen. That is a very unique Gift."

Starwind stepped over to the group, accompanied by Savil and Andrel. In a soft voice he said, "You can stop now, Singer. I have brought the Gate down."

The tuneless music came to a halt and the Bard smiled. "I recognize your voice, Starwind k'Treva. I am glad that you have come to the center of Valdemar."

"When did you lose your ability to see, Bard Stefen?" Moondance asked.

"Yesterday, Healer-Adept. It is good to see you again under different circumstances. I believe the last time was somewhat hectic."

Moondance smiled, "You are correct, Stefen. The last time we saw you it was at Ashkevron Manor, when our Wingbrother Vanyel managed to get hit with a leech blade."

"He does get himself into the middle of some interesting situations," Stefen agreed.

They started to walk away from the Grove temple and Brightstar noticed that his blood-father moved instantly to lend support and gentle guidance to his lifebonded. The young man moved with the strides of one who was more than three times his age. _What is wrong with him?_

*

**Note: Yeah, I was going to make this in three parts but it turns out there's going to be four and an epilogue! I hope you like that change!**


	4. Part IV

**NOTE: Stef's funeral and the Epilogue are going to be posted together. ****This is very sad, I was crying when I wrote part of it. You've been warned :(**

"How do you recognize voices so well, Bard Stefen?" Brightstar asked. Vanyel could see the curiosity in his eldest's eyes as the young man looked at Stefen.

"First of all Brightstar k'Treva, please call me Stefen. Secondly, all Bards receive training in recognizing voice patterns. One never knows when it might be useful to know a stranger's voice. For example, even though I have never met you, I recognized the familiar vocal patterns. Your voice has some of the same echoes as Vanyel's."

Brightstar laughed, "That would indeed be useful, Stefen."

Stef smiled in return, lips twitching in amusement. Vanyel could feel the Bard's strength was reduced to a dangerous level and caught Medren's eye. Medren nodded and walked around to Stefen's other side, smiling cheerfully at his friend as he said, "Hey Stef, why don't you and I go find Breda and see what she's up to?"

Stefen came to sudden and complete halt, sightless hazel eyes meeting Vanyel's silver ones with unnerving accuracy. Stef was aware of the others and so he restricted his words to a few chosen for impact. "You, Herald-Mage, can be far too overprotective. I am not a child, _ashke_. I believe I told you that last night."

Vanyel kept his voice and face blank as he said, "That may be, _ke'chara. _But you _are_ weak enough that I could knock you over by putting a hand on your shoulder. Can you blame me for wanting to keep you alive and safe?"

Stefen remained silent for a moment and then spun to Medren and said, "Well, what are we waiting for?"

Medren eyed his friend and nodded to Vanyel. With a smooth turn the pair walked away and Van sighed in relief. Stefen had a hot temper sometimes and had he continued to argue, Vanyel would have been forced to tell him to leave. _That_ would have been disastrous, the young Bard he'd lifebonded to was nothing if not proud.

Once they were out of sight Vanyel began walking again, aware that Moondance had left his position by Starwind and Savil. For a long moment the _Tayledras _Healer-Adept walked next to him in silence, long strides easily outpacing Vanyel. The Herald had almost forgotten him when he spoke up.

"The Bard is somewhat touchy, yes?"

Vanyel looked up at him and saw restrained laughter in ice-blue eyes. "Somewhat," he answered dryly.

He heard his Aunt's snort of laughter and ignored her. Moondance gazed at him without blinking as he asked, "What is wrong with him? Even Brightstar noticed and the quicksilver child is not the most observant."

Brightstar glared at his father and thought _:That was unnecessary, honored-father. I am _very _observant.:_

Moondance didn't reply besides lifting one white eyebrow at his adoptive son. He kept his eyes locked on Vanyel's face. Vanyel kept walking, turning his eyes away to avoid looking into that piercing gaze. Moondance was infinitely patient though, waiting him out until he was ready to speak.

"Stefen's dying," Vanyel finally rasped. "He has another day, perhaps two. My own father poisoned him with Black Angel mushrooms; it's the only poison we can't cure."

"Tell me, Moondance," He hissed, voice shaking, "what's the point of these Gifts if I can't prevent my _shay'kreth'ashke _from dying?"

He came to a halt again, trembling. He was aware of the shock from the other _Tayledras_ and from his friends at his question but he ignored them. He stared into the Healer-Adept's square face, looking for answers. Within a few moments he knew he wasn't going to find them today.

*

Savil stood very still, watching the Herald-Mage and Moondance as they gazed directly into each other's eyes. She was surprised and afraid by her nephew's question, scared for him. He had been trembling when they stopped, now he was shaking. His beautiful face was all too readable now, filled with pain and worry.

After a second silver eyes fell flat and he whispered, "Never mind, my friend. I know you can't answer that for me. No one can because there isn't an answer."

He started walking again, shoulders very straight. Savil could see the restrained pain in his face and watched helplessly as he started to hide behind considerable shields. She looked at the Healer-Adept and saw a quiet, compassionate expression on his face as he looked at Vanyel. After a second he said,

"It may be the truth that there is no answer to that particular question. In that case all I have to offer is my humble opinion. In my mind there _is_ no point to the Gifts as far as preventing the deaths of those we love. The last walk is inevitable for us all; some just come on it sooner than others. What we must do is decide how to remember them and how to come to terms with their loss."

"You have been given your Gifts to serve your kingdom and you have done so beyond all expectations. You certainly don't deserve to go through this, nor to be separated from the one to who belongs your soul. I don't know how you do it, Wingbrother. I do not think I would be able to make the same decision you did when the one named Tylendel died. You see Vanyel, unlike you I am selfish," Moondance smiled.

"You are the farthest thing from selfish!" Vanyel exclaimed.

"Am I?" the _Tayledras _replied. "I think that you don't know me very well, Wingbrother," he continued, while Vanyel shot him a look of disbelief.

"He's not kidding, Vanyel. Beneath that sweet exterior is quite the conflicting personality," Savil said, laughing at Moondance's expression.

"Here I cannot say a simple comment without the Wingsister sticking in her exalted opinion," he said with an exaggerated sigh.

Brightstar laughed. Savil shot the youngster a sharp look to which he gave her a winning smile and another laugh. They started walking again in companionable silence.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medren walked next to his best friend, watching him with a nervous gaze. Stefen's strides were short and angry, filled with edgy power. He knew his young friend was hurt by being escorted away from Vanyel and the _Tayledras, _he just didn't know why. He wasn't sure if he should ask though, so he remained quiet.

After a second he heard Stefen mutter, "I'm not a child, Vanyel Ashkevron."

"Stefen," he said finally, unable to stand it, "Vanyel knows you're not a child."

"They why did he ask you to take me off somewhere else?" Stefen demanded.

"The _Tayledras _were probably going to ask him about you. He knows how hard it was for you to tell us, he didn't want you to have to listen to it again. It's enough to know you're dying without hearing people's reactions to it!"

Stefen just glowered at him and he asked, "Why are you so sensitive about it anyway? You're really weak and you need to rest."

"I don't have that much longer, Medren. I can feel it, my whole body aches. I don't _want _to rest when I have so little time left," Stefen hesitated and said, "We'll go see Breda but first I need to get something from our quarters. Can we go by there first?"

"Of course," Medren said.

They walked on in companionable silence until they reached Vanyel and Stefen's quarters. Medren opened the door and said, "If you tell me where the thing you want is I'll get it."

"It's a folded piece of paper sitting on the table underneath the bowl of fruit."

Medren walked inside and quickly found the piece of paper. When he came back outside Stefen was leaning against the wall, trembling with exhaustion. He put the piece of paper out of his mind and said, "Stef, would you like to sit down for a minute?"

"No, Medren. If I sit down I won't want to get up. Do you have the piece of paper?"

"Yes."

"Good," Stefen mumbled. "It's the last song I wrote before I lost my sight. I started writing it after Andrel told me I was dying. I want to ask something of you, Medren. You have every right to refuse."

"What is it?" Medren asked, keeping his voice soft and comforting.

"I would ask that you play that for me at my," Stefen hesitated, "funeral. It would mean a great deal to me and I think yours is the only voice that could do it justice."

Medren opened the piece of paper and considered the song. It was beautiful and sweet with a slightly haunting melody. He read the words and looked up with tears in his eyes, tears Stefen would never see. "I would be glad to do this for you, Stefen."

He stepped forward and embraced his friend, who sighed and said, "Thank you, Medren. You're one of the best things that ever happened to me. I got so lucky when I was tossed in with you 10 years ago. You could have disliked my being _shay'a'chern, _or resented my abilities. Instead you're my best friend in the world."

Medren hugged his friend again, unaware that this would be the last time he would do so. Then he supported the blind Bard and they both went to find Breda. She was sitting alone in her dark quarters when they arrived and Medren could see her eyes widen when she saw Stefen. She looked at him and he mouthed, _He's been poisoned. He doesn't have that much longer._ Tears sprang into her eyes and she said, "Welcome, Stefen and Medren. Sit down, please. It's been a while since I've seen either of you."

"It's probably refreshing to see us without having to patch us up," Stefen said with a weak laugh.

"It is," she agreed with a smile.

Stefen sat down and Medren proceeded to watch in amazement as Breda engaged him in light, meaningless conversation. She never once let it steer toward anything heavy, keeping it light and filled with court gossip. Stefen relaxed and even smiled once in a while, seeming to forget his troubles for a while. He found himself being drawn into it every once in a while, surprising himself with witty remarks and retorts to good-natured jabs.

After a while the conversation turned to memories of their earlier years in Bardic and Breda would give her point of view on things and make them both laugh. Some of the antics from when they were younger had been quite entertaining if frustrating for their teachers. Stefen's personal favorite was the time when he and Medren had switched their grouchy old Theory of Music teacher's glass of water with scotch. The man had downed it in one gulp and lost his voice for the rest of the day.

"Actually, Stefen, some of your antics remind me of the days when Tylendel was still alive. Gods, he may have had the looks of an angel but he was one heck of a troublemaker. Savil was telling me about one of his and Vanyel's antics and she was laughing so hard she could scarcely breathe."

"What was that?" Medren asked curiously.

"This was before anyone knew that Vanyel was _shay'a'chern. _They were trying to hide it from Withern and the Court so Vanyel had kept up his little highborn attitude in public. He was downright nasty sometimes, spreading these awful rumors about Tylendel. According to Savil it was all according to plan."

"What plan was this?" Stefen asked with amusement.

"Tylendel warned Savil ahead of time but he and Vanyel had decided that after a while he'd challenge Vanyel for his comments. They decided not to use anything sharp, Vanyel was skilled with a blade even then and they'd decided he should lose. So one day after the rains had come I was out with Lancir and we saw Tylendel hit Vanyel perfectly in the back of the head with a ball of mud."

"Oh dear," Medren chuckled, "I can see where this is going."

"You got it," Breda said with a laugh. "Vanyel whirled around and leaped at him, knocking him into the mud. Had it been a serious fight Vanyel would have been in trouble, Tylendel was quite the hand-to-hand fighter. It went on for a good ten, maybe fifteen minutes before Savil arrived on scene and broke it up. I don't know how she kept a straight face."

Stefen was laughing so hard he couldn't sit upright and Medren said wickedly, "I can just imagine how that could have been. Looked to the others like they were attacking each other but they were probably having a great deal of fun."

"I just bet they were," Breda agreed.

When Stefen could finally breathe again he gasped, "I am going to have to get Vanyel's point of view on that. I can't imagine him doing something like that!"

"He was quite the little actor," Breda said. "He had us all convinced he was this arrogant little piece of work, complete with a miniature Court. It was sickening to watch sometimes, all the posturing and false smiles."

"He probably hated it as much as you did," Stefen replied.

"I would imagine so. He's not what he appears to be, which is why the Court dislikes him so. They're all about appearances and he couldn't care less about their opinions. It makes him powerful and outside of their control, which they can't stand."

Medren looked at the clock and blinked. Had that much time really gone by? He turned back and looked at Stefen, noting the pale face and the shaking hands.

"We'd better be heading out, Stef," he said finally. "Vanyel's probably wondering where we disappeared to."

Stefen nodded and pushed himself up from the chair, moving a great deal weaker than he had when they'd come in. Breda watched him with quiet compassion and said, "Until next time, you two. Good night, Stefen."

"Good night, Breda."

Medren escorted Stefen back to the door of his quarters and said, "Good night, Stef. See you in the morning."

Stefen smiled a soft, wistful smile and said, "Good night Medren."

Medren would remember later that his friend hadn't said 'See you in the morning' back.

* * * *

Vanyel returned to his quarters, laughing under his breath. Just like he'd warned Savil last night, she'd gotten into one of her silly arguments with Starwind. This one was about some of the more dubious qualities of the _Tayledras _elders. Starwind's eyes had been sparkling and Moondance had looked like he was about to start laughing when Vanyel had finally excused himself.

Brightstar and Featherfire had immediately taken to their Valdemaran half-siblings and the four of them had disappeared early in the evening, headed off somewhere to chat and enjoy each other's company. It had been more than slightly odd to see all of his kids in one place; they were so _different _in appearances and personalities.

With a tired yawn he dressed for bed and grabbed a glass of wine, flopping onto the couch nearest the fire. For a second he wondered where Medren and Stefen were and he hoped that his nephew wouldn't keep Stefen out for too long. His love had looked exhausted.

Just as he took a sip of wine the door opened again and Stefen stepped carefully inside. The young Bard held onto the back of the chair and tugged off his low shoes, a difficult process without being able to see. Vanyel itched to go over and help him but according to both Andrel and Moondance he needed to let him be. It would just make his lifebonded more irritable and depressed to realize how little he could do.

He stayed in place for another reason as well. He was loathe to admit it but he was worried that Stefen was still angry about this afternoon. He sighed, hoping that his love wouldn't be too upset. A little pride was okay but enough was enough. He wasn't going to let Stefen drop himself into exhaustion just to prove a point. He knew the Bard wasn't a child, he was just protecting him.

"Where have you been?" He asked, a smile coloring his voice as he stood and walked up to Stef, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Talking to Breda," Stefen replied, sighing with relief as Vanyel gently removed the tunic and placed a warm robe around his shoulders.

Vanyel guided Stefen to the couch and walked over to the kitchen counter, pouring a glass of the medication. Stefen heard the liquid and wrinkled his nose as he said, "I wish they could make those things taste decent."

"I don't see how it can taste _that _bad," Vanyel replied, handing the glass to him. Stefen gulped it down and handed the glass back to him as he said, "I know there's probably a drop of it on the edge of the glass from when you poured it. Taste it and see for yourself."

Vanyel licked the edge of the glass and shuddered. It was bitter and metallic, flat. It left an aftertaste that lingered on his mouth even after he wiped his hand across his lips. He grumbled as he put the glass away and Stefen laughed as he said, "See, it doesn't taste that good, does it?"

"No, _ke'chara, _it doesn't." He sat down next to Stef, cradling the thin frame gently in his arms as the auburn head rested against his shoulder.

Stefen sighed and said, "I'm sorry I reacted like I did earlier, _ashke. _I know you're just worried about me and I didn't mean to snap. I just don't like being away from you when I don't know how long we have left together."

"I'm glad you understand, Stef. I didn't want to have to tell you to leave. They were going to ask me about you and I didn't want you to worry about me. I know you do already."

"I can't help it, Vanyel," Stefen sighed, then smiled as he said, "Speaking of Breda, she was telling Medren and I a story about you and Tylendel that sounds like it must have been fun for you."

"She was, was she? Which one did she tell you about? We had a couple interesting tales."

"A certain fight after the rains," Stefen said with a smirk.

"Oh, Havens!" Vanyel laughed. "I'd forgotten about that one! That was a great deal of fun except I managed to twist my ankle somehow. Even so we both enjoyed it immensely."

"I imagine you did, it sounds like it would have been amusing watch, let alone do. Breda can't figure out how Savil wasn't laughing when she was scolding you two."

"I can't figure it out either. She certainly didn't look very dignified with rain dripping down her nose and plastering her hair to her face."

"Gods, I can just see that. I would think you still looked good, even being soaking wet and covered in mud."

Vanyel flushed slightly and Stefen laughed as he said, "Beloved, I can't see and I can _still_ tell you're blushing. That skin of yours is one of the worst for the easily embarrassed."

"Yes it is," Vanyel grumbled. He kissed Stefen lightly on the mouth and said, "It's late. I think we should probably both be getting some sleep."

"All right, _ashke. _I'm not about to argue, I know how futile it is to argue with a stubborn Herald."

"Hey!" Vanyel said indignantly.

Stefen just laughed.

* * * *

The sun was just touching the horizon when Stefen drifted from sleeping to waking. He smiled as he heard the birds beginning to wake and greet a new day. The soft warmth of his beloved Vanyel next to him made him want to laugh with joy. This was probably the part of day that he loved the most, waking in the morning with the reassuring presence of his lifebonded next to him.

He frowned after a second, something was wrong. He turned his head with a great deal of effort, wondering why he was so cold. He knew Vanyel was keeping this room far warmer than normal for early spring. The next thing he noticed was how labored his breathing was, coming in short sharp gasps. His chest had gone from aching to hurting sometime in the night, it made him wince.

When his breath changed from labored to painful he realized exactly what was wrong. He'd been right in his thoughts yesterday, this was it. For a moment he wanted to panic and he forced himself to relax, there was no way to stop this from happening. He just had been hoping it would be later rather than sooner. Tears pricked his eyes and for a second he wondered if it might be better to just let Vanyel sleep through this. A second later his mind rebelled and he said softly, "Vanyel-_ashke?"_

A cool hand touched his shoulder as Vanyel said, "Stef, you're burning up. I'm going to get a glass of—"

"No, _ashke. _Andrel's medication can't stop this. We were off on our guesses, beloved. This is it," Stefen whispered.

Vanyel froze next to him and he felt icy lips touch his forehead. A salty-sweet liquid touched his lips and he realized Vanyel was crying. "Please don't cry _ashke. _I love you."

"Not as much as I love you, Stefen. I don't want you to go, _ke'chara._"

"I don't want to go, _ashke._ I don't want to leave you alone again, I've loved you for so long," as his whole body began to tremble he whispered, "Hold me, beloved."

Vanyel's icy arms encircled him tightly and he could feel the Herald shaking. He shivered as a new sensation started; a slow burn that started at his extremities and spread inward. He hissed as the hurt set in, driving through his heart with every frantic beat. He bit his lip against a whimper of pain and turned his head against his lover's shoulder. _This is so unfair, he's suffered so much._

*

Vanyel woke from his light sleep as Stefen said his name. He flicked silver eyes to look at his beloved and smiled. The early dawn was casting soft rose and gold highlights across the Bard's face, turning auburn hair fiery. His brain caught up with the rest of him and he registered the short, sharp breaths.

Concerned he reached out and touched Stefen's shoulder. He was far warmer than he'd been recently, his skin pale. He started to sit up as he mentioned getting the medication and then Stef interrupted him. He felt his face pale as his beloved told him that nothing would help this, that this was the end.

Trembling he bent his head and touched Stefen's forehead with his lips, biting his lip to keep from crying out loud. Stef told him he loved him and he responded in the same. He vaguely heard Stefen saying something about 'leave you alone again' and he stiffened as the full impact of what was going to happen hit him.

_Stef's dying._ He shivered and stopped trying to stop the tears from falling, pulling his love to him and holding him tightly. He heard a soft hiss of pain and looked at his love through blurry eyes, noting the expression of grief on his face. The Bard's face was pressed against his shoulder as he whimpered softly, "This _hurts._"

Vanyel gently stroked his lover's face as he held him, feeling helpless and hating it. Then Stefen started speaking and he listened through tears as his love said, "You won't be alone up North, I promise. If I have to break every rule of the Havens I'll do it. I'll wait for you, _ashke._ We'll go together, I promise. I love you so much, Vanyel."

He whimpered again and Vanyel tightened his grip on his love, holding him soothingly. He whispered in the Bard's ear, "Relax, beloved. I know the Havens will welcome you. I'll love you forever, Stefen."

He rested Stef's head against the pillow, letting him go slowly. He placed one slender hand flat against Stefen's chest, feeling the sharp, frantic pulse. The muscles in the Bard's jaw tensed with the effort of holding in another gasp of distress.

Vanyel looked at his lifebonded's face and made a decision. _If I can make this easier on Stef I will. It may hurt me like hell when he goes but I don't see why he should hurt because I am. _With that thought he lowered his lips to Stefen's and caught his love in a long, lingering kiss.

It didn't seem as if it had gone on for very long when he felt his love's body tense sharply in his arms. He transferred the kiss from his beloved's mouth to his forehead and held him gently. One last hiss and Stefen relaxed in his arms. Beneath the hand resting on his chest Vanyel couldn't feel the frantic pulse or any pulse.

Trembling with uncertainty he looked into his love's face and saw a gentle smile on his mouth. At the moment of his passing he hadn't been in any pain, Vanyel had given him that at least. With shaking fingers he reached out and closed sightless hazel eyes. "You're all right now, _ke'chara. _I know the Shadow Lover will welcome you."

He tucked the blanket underneath of Stef's arms and stood, walking over to the balcony doors and flinging them open. He stared at the beautiful early spring morning with accusing eyes as he thought, _Stefen's dead so now you're happy. Why I bother being unselfish I really don't know._ He turned his back on the sunrise and walked back in, silver eyes avoiding his dead beloved and instead finding a framed drawing. Medren had a friend who was a talented artist and he'd given Vanyel this picture not long ago, just after returning from Ashkevron Manor.

It was Vanyel's favorite picture of himself because it was the only one that wasn't so damn _formal. _The subject was him and Stefen sitting out in Companion's Field side-by-side, Stef's head on his shoulder. The soft smile conveyed on his love's face had always astonished him; it was amazing that such a realistic smile could be put on paper. _Now he's dead._

It seemed to hit him then, the horrible reality of the situation. _I'll never see that smile again, never hear him laugh. Never feel his soft kisses or his warm embrace. Never watch him stop a crowded room again, never hear his angel voice. He's gone and I'm alone. Oh gods, I'm _alone _again._

More in his heart than his head he felt a sharp tearing motion, one that dropped him to a crouch, leaning against the wall with a gasp. _What was that?_ He did a quick search, one that became more frantic as he realized something important was gone. After a second he realized the missing thing was Stefen and their lifebond. _I'm alone…Alone, alone, all alone_; the word seemed to be mocking him.

Herald-Mage Vanyel whimpered, sobbed aloud and started screaming.

* * * *

Even though the sun had just barely passed the horizon most of the people Tantras knew were already awake. He smiled at some of the other Heralds as he walked toward Savil's quarters. He opened her door after knocking and blinked in surprise. Her spacious quarters actually seemed crowded now.

Standing and talking together were all four of Vanyel's children, getting along through one common bond. Seated on the floor next to Savil were Starwind and Moondance, looking cheerful despite their late night talks. Medren was engaging Lissa Ashkevron and Shavri in conversation and Randale sat in a chair opposite Savil, listening with amusement to his lifebonded's conversation.

"Quite the little gathering of people," he said to Savil by way of greeting.

"Yeah, there's just a few of us," Savil replied with sarcasm.

He just started to say something else when all conversation stopped. The reason was the oddest sound he'd ever heard, it took him a second to recognize it as someone screaming. He could see expressions of bewilderment on the faces in the room as he frowned and turned toward the door, listening.

"Bright Lady," he whispered as it hit him. He ran back toward the door, wrenching it open.

"Tantras," Shavri asked, "who is that?"

He turned back to them for a split second and they were shocked to see tears in his eyes. "Vanyel," was all he said.

He bolted out the door, running toward the Herald-Mage's quarters. The scream had passed from audible to Mindspeech range, echoing with grief and loss.

_:Andrel!:_

_:Yes? Who is this?:_

_:Herald Tantras. You told me to alert you and so I'm alerting you. Bard Stefen is dead.:_

_:I'm on my way.:_

Tantras knew Vanyel would never hear him knock with the screaming so he abandoned his polite nature and flung the door open, running without a glance through the living room into the main bedroom. The first thing he saw was the quiet, still body of the beautiful, angelic young Bard. For a second his throat tightened with grief until he pushed it ruthlessly back. He didn't have time right now for the dead, not with the living part of the pair like he was.

He swung his gaze around the room and found Vanyel, crouched against the wall near the open balcony doors. The Herald wasn't looking at him and didn't seem to notice that there was anyone in the room with him. His face was turned to the wall and his shoulders were slumped. He paid Tantras no attention, lost in grief.

The next one through the door behind him sobbed softly and he recognized Medren. He ignored Vanyel's friends and family and focused on the Herald-Mage, watching him with a compassionate expression on his face. Vanyel had been through so much, this was just cruel. He took a cautious step forward and said, "Vanyel? It's me, Tantras."

The Herald acted as if he hadn't spoken but he noticed with relief the absence of the screams. Quietly he sighed and prepared to use Mindspeech. Maybe Vanyel would hear him this way…

"Don't," Savil whispered, too late.

_:Vanyel?:_

The beautiful face turned in their direction and Tantras flinched. The usually emotionless silver eyes were a twisted study of grief, loss and agony. Streams of tears ran down high cheekbones but Tantras doubted he noticed them. The bleak expression on his face made Tantras reach out with his Though Projecting Gift, attempting to calm the Herald-Mage. What he did was open a floodtide of thoughts, disintegrating the last of Vanyel's shields.

_:Oh gods, I can't do this, not again. I don't want to be alone anymore, why'd he have to die? This hurts so much, I can't stand it. Why should I have to stay when he's gone?:_

Silver eyes flicked to the open balcony doors and the thought process changed. _:I guess, yes. That would work. One quick leap, just like 'Lendel. A short fall and this would all be over.:_

"Medren," Tantras said slowly, "shut and lock those doors."

The young Bard moved with careful slowness to Tantras's right, keeping Vanyel in his sight the entire time. He reached the balcony doors and without taking his eyes off his uncle reached behind and shut the glass doors, leaning against them.

Vanyel's gaze turned flat as his thoughts turned bitter and accusatory. _:What right do they think they have, keeping me here? They don't need me, just my abilities. Herald-Mage Vanyel, savior to everyone but his lifebonded. First Herald of Valdemar, kept around because he has the strongest Mage-Gift in living history. Gods, I'm the worst person in this room. Everyone I love gets killed but me.:_

"That's not true, Vanyel. We love you for yourself, you know that," Tantras scolded softly.

The mental dialogue slacked off as Vanyel gazed at him, just watching him. Silver eyes flicked to his left and he heard Andrel say, "What's been going on?"

"His shields are gone. You just missed hearing his thoughts on the matter. He's lost, Andrel."

"I'm ready when you are," Andrel said quietly, looking at the Herald-Mage.

Tantras took a half-step forward, holding out his left hand. "Take my hand, Vanyel."

The Herald blinked.

"Please, Vanyel. It's me, Tantras. You've known me for 30 years; you know I wouldn't hurt you. Take my hand, Vanyel. We can make the pain go away, Vanyel. Just take my hand."

For a few seconds he worried that Vanyel would refuse. Then a slender-fingered hand reached toward his. He took Vanyel's icy hand in his own and smiled at the Herald. "Stand up, Vanyel."

Vanyel slowly rose from the crouching position. Just before he was straight and balanced Tantras gave one strong tug. Vanyel stumbled forward and he locked his arms around the Herald as the slender body was encased in green-gold light. Vanyel stiffened and tried to wrench himself away but Tantras was much stronger and just held him. A moment later the too-slender body went limp in his arms and a head crowned with silvered black hair touched his shoulder.

Savil was the first to recover, as usual. "What did you do?"

Andrel cleared his throat and said, "After I told Stefen he was dying I started working on a shield. I knew Vanyel's reaction would be stronger than the Companions were thinking and I molded it to his specific Gifts. Most of the reason why both members of a lifebond die is because the living one commits suicide."

"He was thinking about it," Medren said, tears in his eyes as he looked at his uncle's grief twisted expression.

Jisa looked at her blood-father and asked softly, "Do we have any right keeping him alive when Stefen's gone?"

"Yes," Savil's voice was fierce but her expression was conflicted.

"He's done so much for Valdemar, would it really be so hard to let him do what he wants for once?" Jisa persisted.

"If that's what he still wants when he's sane of mind we'll let him go," Randale said finally, looking at his old friend and confidante with tears running down his face.

"Can you pick him up, Tantras?" Andrel asked.

"Easily," Tantras nodded. He put words into action and smoothly swung Vanyel into his arms. He followed Andrel into the smaller bedroom given traditionally to a young Herald-Trainee and laid the pale, slender form onto the bed.

He covered the Herald and brushed away the tears in his eyes with a thumb, blinking away his own tears. They walked out into the living room and Andrel said, "Until we're certain he's not suicidal I don't want him to be alone when he wakes. I'm going to suggest keeping him drugged until a few days have gone by at least."

"I'll take first watch," Tantras said.

"We will take second," Starwind said for him and his lifebonded.

"I'll take third," Arven said, eyes sparkling between grief and anger.

"I'll take fourth," Lissa said numbly.

"That's settled," Andrel said with a sigh. "I'm going to go back to Healer's for a second and get a couple bottles of argonel; it's the only thing I've ever used that's kept him asleep for any amount of time. I'll show you the dosage to use."

"I suggest we leave Stefen where he is for now," Savil said. "I'll let Breda know so she can arrange details. I think the ceremony should wait until Vanyel is able to come."

"Why? Why does he need to see Stefen's funeral?" Arven snarled.

"How else is he going to really accept that he's dead?" Savil returned, looking sad. "It took him ages to accept that Tylendel was dead. I regret now that we buried him so soon, I think Vanyel should have been there."

"You are right, Wingsister. He needs to be there," Moondance said softly. Savil turned to look at the Healer-Adept as he said, "While my _shay'kreth'ashke _and I are on watch I shall try to help him. It will be more difficult with the drug but even I see the need for it this time."

Wearily Tantras walked back into the small bedroom and put a soft chair near the door. He sat down, looking at the unconscious Herald. _I'm so sorry my friend. I think Jisa might be right._

* * * *


	5. Part V and Epilogue

**NOTE: ****This is it! Stef's funeral and the Epilogue, as promised. Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it. Please reply if you have feedback, or even if you don't! :) Actual credits for **_**Into the West **_**go to Annie Lennox and the **_**Return of the King**_** soundtrack. If you haven't heard that song, I suggest you listen to it. It's very pretty.**

Vanyel slept peacefully, without the torment of dreams or visions. Whenever he started to wake a hand was on his shoulder and a voice he dimly recognized gave him something to drink. He would begin to drift off again before he came fully awake.

Sometimes he thought he heard music, a tune that felt familiar and gentle. Whenever he tried to recognize it his mind refused to concentrate. So eventually he just relaxed and let it drift over him, swirling in his head and soothing the ache he almost understood. It helped to listen to the sound, to lose himself in it.

He had heard the music two different times when he started to come awake again. This time he felt groggy and confused, unable to focus. He blinked silver eyes and stared at the ceiling for a minute before turning his head. There was a familiar person sitting in the chair, a woman who wore slacks and a comfortable shirt. It took his hazy mind a few moments to process who it was and then he rasped,

"Liss, is that you?"

She looked up and saw him looking at her. "Vanyel, you're awake."

Someone started to move through the light in the doorway and Lissa said sharply, "No, no more. He's had enough of that stupid drug. Let him be."

Whoever it was left and he whispered, "Drug? Is that why I feel so slow?"

"Yes, brother. We've been keeping you asleep with argonel for the past two days so that you could sleep and heal a little."

"Heal? I'm not injured," Vanyel was confused. His thoughts were still too slow.

"Do you remember anything before falling asleep, Van?" Lissa said softly, tears in her eyes.

Vanyel frowned. He thought about it for a second and said, "I remember waking up earlier than usual."

That thought seemed to unleash the rest of it. _Seeing Stef highlighted by the sun. Knowing that this was it, that his beloved was dying. Cradling Stefen in his arms as the Bard whimpered in pain. Hearing him say that he had always loved him. Laying him back down and giving him a gentle kiss as he took his last breath. Realizing that once again he was alone…_

Vanyel's face paled and he trembled. He took a ragged breath, trying to hold back tears. As they started to run down his face he felt Lissa sit next to him and draw him into her arms, his face against her shoulder. "It's all right to grieve, Vanyel. Not all tears are bad."

He let go then, feeling his entire body shake with tears. Lissa held him in gentle arms, fingers stroking the edge of his face. He cried himself hoarse, until his chest hurt and his head ached and _still_ the tears came. He wasn't aware that he was able to cry that long before now and the sheer strength of it astonished him. At the source of it was the broken lifebond and the fact that his beloved was dead.

Trembling, he pulled away and gasped, "I need to see Stefen, Liss. Please, I have to see him one last time."

"Come on, Vanyel," she replied, standing up and helping him to do the same.

He felt weak as his feet touched the floor, as helpless as a young child. Lissa helped him up and took him out of the spare bedroom, supporting him through the living room and into the bedroom he'd shared with his beloved. Stefen was still there, exactly as he'd been after he died. Lissa let go of his arm and he stumbled forward, sitting on the edge of the bed closest to Stef.

He looked into the quiet face and the closed eyes for a second, willing himself to wake up to a laughing Stefen, to hear his love say that this was all just a horrible nightmare. As a single tear ran down his face he realized that _this_ was his reality now, a reality without his love. He moaned softly and pulled himself up, trying to walk away from his dead lifebonded. Instead his legs slid from under him and he landed on his knees.

His shoulders shook with tearless grief as he willed himself to deny this, to deny that his _shay'kreth'ashke _was dead. He had almost convinced himself of it when he heard footsteps stop in the doorway. They were too heavy and stilted to be Lissa and he just barely turned his head to look. Unable to believe who he saw standing there he spun around as he pushed himself to his feet, slender fingers clenched in fury.

Withern was standing there, looking at him with the oddest expression on his face. He ignored it, glaring at his father as the last few tears ran down his face. He didn't wipe them away; he was unashamed of his grief for his love. He started to snarl at Lissa to have Withern taken away then he changed his mind.

Not bothering to erase the emotion from his voice he said, "H-_Happy _now, Withern? You've finished what you set out to do from the time I was a child. Stef's d-_dead _and I'm b_-broken _and alone. Finally made your errant son into a true _man,_" he said, spitting out the word. "If this is your definition of what life is than I don't want it."

He gestured mockingly to Stef, ignoring everyone but Withern. "Come and look at the perfection of your work, Father. He's quite dead. You've removed a Bard _and _a _shay'a'chern _in one fell swoop, congratulations. Excuse me if I don't thank you for it. Stefen was the only thing that made this life worth living for me, now I exist."

Withern opened his mouth and said, "Vanyel—"

Vanyel ruthlessly cut him off. "Don't bother opening your mouth, Withern. We both know how you've always felt about me, about what I am. It was right there on your face when I brought Medren to you to send to Bardic. _Gods, _what you must think of me. You must think I'm evil or something, to be thinking what you were. I had to swear a damn _oath _as a damn Herald for you to trust me and I'm your own son."

He could see Medren's pale face and for a moment regretted mentioning the incident. As Withern started to say something again he glared at him with hard, flat eyes and said, "Don't, Withern. Sorry won't cut it this time, it won't come even close. I'm _done _with you and your prejudices. I disown you, Withern Ashkevron. I am Vanyel, son of none."

He turned his back on the startled former Lord and said, "Get out, before I decide Herald ethics don't matter and do something I've wanted to do for ages."

He heard the heavy footsteps walk away and stood there, glaring without really seeing. As he registered his heavy breathing he smiled, that had felt very good. His gaze took in Stefen again and his shoulders slumped. As quick as the anger had come it was gone, replaced by mind-numbing grief. He could feel the tears running down his face again as he whispered, "Stefen."

Quick footsteps approached him and a gentle hand guided him from the room. He didn't resist, leaning against the steady shoulder. For a moment he was curious about whom it was and then as gentle hands made him sit on the edge of the bed again he knew who it was.

"Tantras," he breathed, looking at his old friend.

"Drink this, Vanyel."

"Is it argonel?" he said suspiciously.

"No. It's a very powerful _Tayledras _sleeping aid. We're not going to drug you again, Vanyel. I promise."

Vanyel drank the liquid and set the glass down, sliding numbly under the covers and turning his back on Tantras. Just before he slid into sleep he said, "Thank you, Tran. For everything."

"You're welcome, Vanyel."

* * * *

The day dawned bright and clear for Stefen's funeral. As Medren dressed in his rust-colored Bardic tunic he thought that his friend would have been happy at the sunshine. He'd always said that the rain made everything too dreary and dull. Tears pricked his eyes and he brushed them away. Time enough for _that_ later.

He picked up a beautiful twelve-string gittern and began tuning it, carefully tightening each cord until he had the right note. He'd practiced Stef's song exactly once, two days ago. He'd made the mistake of using too much of his Bardic Gift and had made himself break into tears. He treated the gittern with care, polishing it to a radiant shine after the tuning was done. The instrument was Stefen's; he'd taken it from his uncle's quarters before leaving that first night.

He thought of his uncle as he finished the polishing and set the gittern into its case. It was four days since he'd confronted Withern and officially disowned his own father. It had been intensely uncomfortable listening to Vanyel's accusations; the argument had not been new. At first it had been embarrassing when his uncle had mentioned him, with all his uncle's kids there.

It had shifted from embarrassing to infuriating when he'd realized what Withern had thought Vanyel had done that night 13 years ago. Not only was it disgusting but highly degrading as well. Vanyel was one of the most honorable people he knew, for his own father to think that he'd do _that_ kind of thing made Medren very angry. For once in his life he was very glad he was an illegitimate child, it made Withern unable to claim him.

Since that day Vanyel had existed in a half-aware state of mind. He'd fallen back into the mode Medren had privately started calling his 'statue' mind, face expressionless and closed off. The only thing Medren worried about was that the Herald was closing himself off emotionally again as well. He didn't want his uncle to break.

At exactly midday he picked up the case and walked out of his rooms, heading toward the exit that led to Companion's Field. Due to his service to Valdemar and his status as the lifebonded of a Herald-Mage Stefen was being laid to rest with the Heralds instead of in the highborn cemetery. That was another thing he knew his friend would like. Stefen had always enjoyed the peacefulness of the Field.

He came to a stop near the goldenoak casket which rested open and empty in the sunlight. Two half-circles on each side would make a pair of complete circles when closed. The casket was made that way because Stefen would be brought out on an elaborate stretcher with goldenoak handles. The handles would form the grips that would be used to lower the casket into the ground.

For a second his eyes flicked to the headstone, taking in the simple lettering announcing _Bard Stefen, Rest Peacefully in the Havens._ It also listed his date of birth and death and his age. He froze and stared at the pair of dates, realizing what they meant after a few moments with a gut-wrenching gasp of pain. Stefen had died on his 21st birthday. _Oh Havens, what is it going to do to Uncle Vanyel when he sees that?_

After a second he became aware of soft hoof beats and looked up. Dressed in his elaborate Formals and looking far too thin was his uncle, leaning against his Companion. The mare looked at him with expressive blue eyes and he could see the compassion and sorrow in her face. She glowed faintly as she supported Vanyel, who looked no more alive than his dead lifebonded. He saw silver eyes flick from the casket to the headstone and heard the soft moan as he realized the same thing as Medren.

Then people started to arrive, in a mass of color. Medren blinked in surprise, every member of Bardic from his and Stefen's year was there, all of the former instructors. Breda led the entire Masters Council, wearing black edged Scarlets and a sad expression. Next came the Heralds and he was startled at how many were coming. Some he knew, most he didn't. Tantras walked over to stand next to Vanyel, watching the Herald-Mage with worried eyes.

Then Vanyel's friends and family started to come in staggered groups. To the soft whispers and murmurs of the gathered Valdemarans the first was the _shay'a'chern _pair Starwind and Moondance. They walked over to stand just behind and to the right of Vanyel, faces quiet and solemn. Brightstar and Featherfire came to a stop near him, drawing comments on their similarity to each other and Vanyel.

Savil, Andrel and Lissa came together in a mix of white, green and black. Lissa looked pretty and at the same time intimidating in her dress uniform. Savil had tears in her eyes and she kept flicking her gaze to Vanyel, staring at his quiet, pain-filled expression.

Arven joined Lissa, standing very still. His expression was filled with sympathy when he looked at his father and anger when he looked away. He had gotten into a considerable argument with Savil and the _Tayledras _on the necessity of Vanyel's presence at the funeral. He felt that his father had been through enough and should be left alone for a while.

Jisa and Treven walked up just behind Shavri and a very weak looking Randale. Medren looked around and in the midst of the collected grief had to smile. _Stef, you affected more people than you ever realized. I think it would warm your heart if you could see how many have come today. I wish that you didn't have to be _dead _for them to do this._

Then Randale started speaking and Medren listened.

* * * *

Savil walked up to the site of the funeral quietly. After Vanyel had been subdued she'd let Andrel escort her back to her quarters. After he'd left she'd burst into tears, both for the young Bard and his living beloved. She had feared that Stefen's death would remind her of 'Lendel's, but it hadn't. This had been worse.

She'd never seen Vanyel so lost and broken before, not even on that terrible Sovvan night. He'd wept for his love, yes. Tried to commit suicide, yes. Been in a state of absolute chaos without a center, no. It was as if Stefen had been his anchor, the one concrete thing that held him to this life.

Nor had she ever seen him so angry and mocking. His bitter hate and rage directed at Withern was frightening. Savil was afraid that it threatened to consume him if it wasn't given an outlet soon. She had an idea; Andrel was against it of course. She would wait on suggesting it to Shavri and Randale until she knew whether or not this had given Vanyel any type of closure.

She looked over at Arven, at his tight jaw. She sighed; he was very much like his father in his own way. She could understand his desire to leave Vanyel alone for a while even if she couldn't agree. Vanyel needed this as much as the rest of them, more even. She doubted that he'd be able to agonize over it as long as he had 'Lendel, but then she doubted he'd live another 25 years. She couldn't see him going another 2 years.

She looked at the headstone and felt chilled to the bone when she realized that Stefen had died on his own birthday. There was a sort of tragic acknowledgement in those few numbers. Given and taken from Valdemar on the same day, fulfilling his purpose in life in such a short time. Randale chose that moment to start speaking and she could see everyone paying close attention to his words.

"Today," he said softly, choosing his words with care, "we come to celebrate a life. Bard Stefen was among us for only 21 years, but in that short amount of time he affected more people than some of us will in our lifetimes. Stefen was unforgettable to everyone who knew him. Just in passing or during a conversation, it didn't matter. He had such a vibrant personality that he left an impact on us all. He was also given extraordinary Gifts."

"Bard Stefen was assigned to me because of his ability to sing pain away. He played for countless hours in the background, never accepting anything more than a smile or a nod in thanks. As a child off the streets of Haven he could have been much different, but he had a kind and generous heart. Stefen was only a part of the Bardic Collegium for 11 years but in that time wrote more of the songs heard in the Courts than any other. It was a talent he was known for, especially in the genre of romance. According to those of the Courts that knew him, he had the voice for it as well."

A couple Bards smiled at those words, remembering the pure voice. Savil heard soft footsteps and turned her head to see two Valdemaran soldiers carrying a beautiful goldenoak stretcher. She heard a couple soft sobs as they carefully laid it and the young Bard into the casket. They stepped back, standing at parade rest just out of sight.

Stefen wore crisp black boots, black pants and a dark scarlet tunic. Someone had carefully arranged his auburn hair to complement and soften his sharp cheekbones and stubborn chin. That soft smile Savil had seen on his face was still there, his slender fingers crossed over his waist.

Medren stepped up to Randale and said softly and clearly, "My Herald-King, I have a small request."

"Go ahead, Bard Medren."

"Before he died Stefen asked me if I would play a particular song for him. I would do so now if I may."

Vanyel looked startled, apparently he hadn't heard of this request.

"Go ahead, Bard Medren."

Medren opened a gittern case sitting at his feet and removed a familiar instrument. It was Stefen's metal-stringed gittern. Vanyel's eyes narrowed as he recognized it. Medren said, "The song is called _Into the West. _Credit for the lyrics and music go to Bard Stefen."

He bent his head and began playing a soft melody, faint and sweet. It had continued for a few moments when he started singing in his clear, beautiful tenor.

_Lay down your sweet and weary head_

_Night is falling and you have come to journey's end_

_Sleep now and dream of the ones who came before_

_They are calling from across a distant shore_

_Why do you weep?_

_What are these tears upon your face?_

_Soon you will see_

_All of your fears will pass away_

_Safe in my arms you're only sleeping_

_What can you see?_

_Upon the horizon_

_Why do the white gulls call?_

_Across the sea a pale moon rises_

_The ships have come to carry you home_

_And all will turn to silver glass_

_A light on the water_

_All souls pass_

_Hope fades into the world of night_

_Through shadows falling_

_Out of memory and time_

_Don't say we have come now to the end_

_White shores are calling_

_You and I will meet again_

_You'll be here in my arms just sleeping_

_What can you see?_

_Upon the horizon_

_Why do the white gulls call?_

_Across the sea a pale moon rises_

_The ships have come to carry you home_

_And all will turn to silver glass_

_A light on the water_

_Grey ships pass into the west_

When he finished there wasn't a single face that didn't show some form of grief. With tears in his eyes he stepped forward and placed the gittern at his best friend's feet. He went back to his place, tears openly streaming down his cheeks.

Breda stepped forward next, holding a book and a small gold plaque in her hands. She set them both near the gittern and stepped back. Clearly she said, "The plaque has an inscription on it, bestowing upon Stefen the rank of Master Bard. Had he not been taken from us, he would have been my replacement on the Council. The book is a copy of the one now in the Library at Bardic and Heraldic Collegium, called _The Collected Works of Bard Stefen of Haven._ We at Bardic will miss and remember you forever, Stefen."

Savil watched as Vanyel closed his eyes and breathed deeply before stepping forward. When he let go of Yfandes he held a white rose in that hand, bound with a small braid of silvery hair from her mane. His left hand was clenched around something small that he kept turning in his fingers.

There was complete silence as he came to a halt next to his dead love, silver eyes quiet and reflective. He didn't say a word as he slid the rose between Stefen's fingers. Only Savil saw his fingers stop twirling the smaller object. When he straightened she saw what he'd been holding and just about choked. On the second finger of the Bard's right hand was a simple gold band set with an irregular chunk of amethyst, Stefen's birthstone.

Softly he spoke, just loud enough for Savil to hear. "I could never bring myself to do that when you were here, beloved. I'm sorry that it had to be too late."

He turned and walked back to stand next to his Companion, placing a hand on her neck. The pair of soldiers stepped forward, closing the lid and swinging the protective locks and covers into place. The click of the lid broke the last strand of Vanyel's composure and he started crying, tears sliding down his face as the two Guards picked up the goldenoak casket and lowered it in place. One of the Heralds stepped forward and began the task of replacing the earth with a shovel.

He was very strong, the task was done quickly. Once it had been finished Jisa stepped forward and knelt near the headstone, placing a flickering white candle and a wreath of ivy and aloe around the candle. Randale cleared his throat and said,

"We came here to celebrate a life. Stefen was always looking at the positive of things, trying to make them better in some small way. So let us do that for him. When we remember him, let us remember him as he was, full of life and laughter. Let us remember the sound of his voice or his fingers playing the gittern he loved so much. He deserves to be remembered with love and joy, not tears."

Slowly people started to depart, some walking up to Vanyel and saying a few words. Most just looked at the beautiful Herald with his face full of grief and pain and walked away. When everyone else was gone Savil remained where she was, watching her nephew. Whatever strength had gotten him through the ceremony left and he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around his waist and shivering.

Savil stood there until evening, when the sun was beginning to set. She moved stiffly to Vanyel's side and placed one hand on his shoulder. After a second he seemed to notice her and for a moment his eyes met hers. She flinched at the amount of grief in his gaze and said, "Please try and get some sleep tonight, Vanyel. You're exhausted. If you have to take some of that sleep aid Moondance left for you."

"I will, Aunt," he said heavily, turning his gaze away from her.

She recognized that shuttered look in his eyes and knew he wouldn't notice her leaving. She started to walk away and Kellan trotted up to her. She leaned against her Companion as she walked and asked, _:Will he ever recover?:_

_:What would you say?:_

Savil turned for a moment and looked back at Vanyel, silhouetted against the darkening sky in his white uniform. She looked at his shoulders, the way they slumped. At his face, with its blank gaze directed inward, to memories of his love. Finally she looked at his hands, the way they lay limply against his waist.

_:I think that Valdemar had better get used to the idea of there not being a Herald-Mage.:_

_:That is what we think as well.:_

She turned away again, tears pricking her eyes. One of the birds began singing a soft evening choral and it reminded her of the song Medren had sung. Tears streaming down her face, she began the long, slow walk back to her quarters.

Behind her, Vanyel sat as still as before, blank eyes looking at the flickering candle. It guttered out long before he came back to himself, blinking in the dark. With a quiet sigh he stretched out on the grass and closed his eyes, drifting off into an exhausted sleep under the stars. Yfandes stood guard, sapphire eyes looking at the headstone marking the final resting place of her Chosen's beloved.

**Epilogue**

Herald-Mage Vanyel stepped back into the shadows as if to consider Leareth's offer. Privately he laughed; it would have been tempting not so long ago. _To have Stefen alive, in his arms again…_ He knew his beloved would be furious if he did agree. Suddenly he smiled, Leareth _could_ give him Stef, if not in the way he was expecting.

Less than six months ago his friends and family had kept him drugged for two days to prevent him from committing suicide after Stef's death. None of them would say a word about him using the Final Strike against a dark mage though… It didn't matter that Leareth was less than he'd expected, that he would be easy to overcome without the Final Strike. By taking out the dark mage he'd be reunited with his love.

Savil had tried to help him. Vanyel could only imagine the protests she'd run into suggesting it but it had been done. Withern's private execution had been carried out not too long ago. Vanyel had been the one to draw the blade across his father's throat. Heralds were kept away from executions, it was considered a form of revenge they couldn't be allowed.

However, it hadn't been any form of closure for Vanyel. He started drawing the energy he needed, wrapping power around his center. He'd just begun the process of tying it into his life-source when he heard a soft _:ashke.:_

He closed his eyes in pain. It wasn't enough that he was still raw with grief and loss after his beloved's death. Now the wind had to sound like it was saying the precious _Tayledras _nickname, in Stef's soft voice as well. _Leave me alone! _He thought furiously, _I miss him enough without your help, thank you very much._

_:It's not the wind, beloved. Look to your left.:_

Half-fearful of what he would see he turned his head. With a steep bank of snow just behind and through him Stefen looked so faint Vanyel couldn't tell if it was just his imagination or not.

_:It's not your imagination, Van-_ashke. _I told you I'd be here if I had to break every rule in the Havens. Thank goodness He realized I was serious and let me come.:_ A small smile twisted the corner of Stef's mouth.

"Stef," Vanyel whispered, half-frozen tears sliding down his face. Then he thought of something. "_Ke'chara_, you never could use Mindspeech. I'm pretty sure you were never a Herald either."

His love looked at the white uniform he was wearing before flicking hazel eyes to meet his. _:Good job. It took Savil a lot longer to notice that.:_

"Savil? She's seen you?" Vanyel felt slightly hurt, he didn't know why his Aunt wouldn't have mentioned it.

_:I was there when she came here, _ashke._ She's dead. The only reason why she lingered on so long was to help you after I died.:_

"Oh gods, Savil," Vanyel moaned softly.

_:She's all right, beloved. And in answer to your keen observations, _no _I couldn't use Mindspeech, nor was I a Herald. Not in this lifetime, at least.:_

"_This_ lifetime?" Vanyel asked.

_:You know how the _Tayledras _have their theory of souls coming back into other lives, right?: _When Vanyel nodded, he asked another question, _:Do you remember what I said that last morning, _ashke?:

"I can't forget, _ke'chara._"

_:Remember how I said that I didn't want to 'leave you again' and 'I've loved you forever'?:_

Vanyel nodded, tears in his eyes. "Yes, I remember. I didn't want you to go, beloved. I still want you here with me."

_:I still want to be there with you, _ashke. _Those words weren't the insane babbles of a dying person, by the way. I really _have_ loved you forever. We've been together for two lifetimes, split apart by a few years.:_

He could feel Stefen's eyes on him as he thought about it. At first it didn't make sense, how could he and Stef been together for two lifetimes? As he was thinking he said aloud, _"_You were a Herald in a previous life?"

_:Yes. My Companion repudiated me, which I know now was the right choice. I came back when I saw how much of a mess I'd left you in. It took a while for us to meet again, but I think I liked this lifetime better. Gala agrees. She reChose me when I came back this time, by the way.:_

Vanyel was only half-listening until Stefen finished. For a second his breathing stopped as he registered the name. _Gala. _That had been the name of 'Lendel's Companion… He caught Stefen's hazel eyes with his silver ones as Stefen smiled again.

_:Yes, _ashke._ In my previous life I was called Tylendel Frelennye. That's how come I called you _ashke, _how come we lifebonded in the first place. It wasn't a new one; it was a reaffirmation of the first. I've always loved you, Vanyel.:_

"You were 'Lendel? What do I call you then?" Vanyel was startled, but it made sense.

_:Whichever you prefer. I can change my appearance as well, if you want. I'm going to get in trouble for telling you this, I was supposed to wait until we meet again.:_

"That's not going to be long from now," Vanyel said softly.

_:Actually it is, _ashke. _Savil wasn't the only one to go after you left on your trip. Randale and Shavri are gone as well. You can't use the Final Strike, _ashke.:

"Why _not?_" Vanyel snarled harshly. "This life isn't worth living without you, Stef."

_:Treven and Jisa's coronation is in two months. _Ashke, _you have to stay through your daughter's coronation. After that you'll know when you can join me. I love you, _ashke. _It won't be that much longer, I promise.:_

"Don't go!" Vanyel said suddenly, plaintively.

His beloved Stef smiled sadly and said, _:I have to, _ashke. _I've been here too long already. But before I go…:_

For a moment he shimmered and seemed to solidify. Vanyel stood absolutely still as his love walked forward and caught him in a gentle embrace. Then he was gone, a whisper of wind touching Vanyel's face. He turned to his Companion with tears in his eyes and said, _:All right, dearheart. Let's take this idiot out the normal way and go back.:_

_:I'm always with you, _ashke.:

Vanyel smiled sadly and set his shoulders, stepping forward into the light as he said, "No."

* * * *

The fire quietly flickered in front of his eyes. He looked into it, seeing memories instead of the flames. Days of laughter, nights of love. The last few days when he'd held and cherished his love in his arms, committing every smile, every kiss to memory. The last morning, the last gentle kiss. A tear slid down his cheek and he brushed it away.

It was ten months since Stefen had died and he still missed him. The ache had never gone away since that morning when the lifebond had snapped. Even after his beloved's funeral he hadn't been able to sleep in the bed they'd shared together, for fear of the memories it would bring. That door was behind him, silver handle closed firmly.

Not only had Treven and Jisa become the Herald-King and Co-Consort, but Tantras had lifebonded to Featherfire. That made him smile for a moment, his old friend protesting that he was too old to be with Vanyel's daughter. Vanyel had told him to stop being so stupid and now Featherfire was three months pregnant. The idea of becoming a father in his forties had startled Tantras out of the shock of being lifebonded.

The smile stayed in place as he stood and walked over to the kitchen counter. There was a delicately fluted glass of Ashkevron wine sitting there and a small bottle. It had taken him a while to procure it, even with his Bardic alter-ego. He eyed the amber-colored liquid and poured it into the glass of wine.

He reached out and said, _:'Fandes, have you finished?:_

_:Yes, Chosen. I'll see you soon.:_

_:Yes you will, dearheart.:_

He let go of the communication and picked up the glass. He was still wearing his boots, which he never did while in his quarters. Vanyel walked over to the closed door and hesitated, looking at the silver handle for a moment. He clicked it open and walked into the bedroom he'd shared with his love, walking past the bed to the balcony doors. Vanyel flung them open and looked up into the night sky.

He considered the glass of Ashkevron wine for a second and then drank it slowly, savoring the sweet taste. He had chosen that wine on purpose; there was a sort of symmetry to it. Never mind that this was going to be more peaceful than the end his love had been given. He had procured the 10 drams of argonel a few weeks ago. He knew it was enough for this. It would send him into a peaceful sleep he'd never wake from.

He finished the glass of wine and walked over to the bed, setting the glass on his bedside table. He placed the edge of it over a folded piece of paper and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking out at the stars.

About a month ago he'd realized that the Herald-Mages were no longer necessary. The Bards had done a magnificent job of convincing people that the Heralds were what they needed. It had been a long time since anyone truly needed his advice or opinion. He smiled, that was fine with him. It meant that he could finally go to his love, to the rest in the Havens he'd wanted almost a year ago.

He lay back on the bed he'd shared with his love, closing his eyes. Within a few breaths he was asleep. He didn't realize how he looked laying there in his Formals, marble face quiet and relaxed in sleep. As the dawn started to creep into the open balcony doors and throw light across his face the slow breathing simply stopped. At the exact same moment the bell deep in the Grove began to ring. It would ring for two days; the longest for any Herald outside of the King or Queen.

_:My Chosen is dead,: _Yfandes announced in ringing Mindspeech. _:I go to my rest in the Havens. Do not weep for Vanyel, this is what he wanted.:_

The soft breeze carried the sound of musical laughter across Companion's Field. For a second the last two stars in the sky shimmered and glowed. Then they disappeared with the rising of the sun. According to the Heralds, that pair of stars are always the last to disappear, always together, always accompanied by the faintest sound of laughter. 


End file.
